My week:

Monday: Gym; grocery store; read

Tuesday: Volleyball game; Holiday party #1

Wednesday: Dinner with a vendor (which I will probably skip); gym and tv

Thursday: Night out with vendor (may get cancelled); gym and tv

Friday: Gym; tv; bed early

Saturday: Sleep in; read; tv; knit; movie?

Sunday: Church; grocery store?; errands; read; girls’ night!

Dream

I was napping on a leather couch in a big lake house with wood panneling on the walls.  I woke up with bad cramps.  When I looked down I realized I was 9 months pregnant and that it wasn’t cramps, but labor pains.  I freaked out a little because I had no idea who the father was.  My doctors heard me, so they came in to calm me down.  Lindsay Lohan and Diane Keeton.  The weird thing is, in my dream that wasn’t weird.

The other night I told Gail about this dream and she told me it means something big is coming in my life.  So, when guys have big things coming in their lives do they ever dream that they are pregnant?  Typically dreaming that would scare me, because when someone in our family has a dream that someone is pregnant, that person normally is…but I know it’s not possible that I am…so I wonder if the dream meant anything at all.

Thanksgiving

So I went home because about a month ago my brother got a warno saying he’d be leaving Nov. 30th. It only made sense to come home and spend time with him. About a week before I went home he told me the date changed to Jan. 2. Oh well, it’s still one of the best times of the year, so I was excited to go home. Plus, Athens and Graham were coming. I was supposed to see Tash, and a friend from grad school was supposed to come in too. Her family lives in another state and she was going to come to our place since she wasn’t going to go home and didn’t want to stay in Austin. So this friend decided not to come, but wouldn’t pick up her phone or text me back. Pretty shitty. Maybe I just wanted to talk, see what’s up, shoot the shit…She IMed me to tell me she wasn’t coming. Awesome. She said she couldn’t afford it. This was after she’d come back from a camping trip and is planning to go snow boarding. Then she acted like I was a jerk for not being understanding. I finally quit calling/texting but texted to tell her I wasn’t texting anymore since I was tired of being blown off. She blamed it on her camping trip, but she wasn’t gone camping for a week and a half. The reason I stopped calling her back in Sept. is because she never returned calls or texts…and she didn’t seem to notice or mind. Is it not supposed to hurt my feelings that she deems a Thanksgiving trip to hang out (when she hasn’t seen me in 6 months) unnecessary and unaffordable, but can afford to go both camping and snowboarding? Just tell me you don’t want to go, cause at that point, I don’t believe it. She wrote on my facebook and texted me one night this weekend. I haven’t answered yet. I don’t know if I will. At this point I don’t want to talk to her for a while. That’s not how friends in my book treat each other.

Ok, so this trip was originally so I could go spend time with my brother before he deploys. Still a legitimate reason, being as he leaves in a month and a half. So the thing about my brother is I think he’s a jerk, and were he not my brother we would definitely not be friends. He doesn’t clean up his crap when there is company coming, he all but makes mom do it. He hadn’t cleaned the overflow of junk from his room out of the game room before Athens, Graham, and myself arrived. In fact, the extent of the cleaning he had done was to rinse the hair from his newly shaved mohawk out of the bathroom sink so we could use it. How considerate. The rest of the bathroom was still disgusting and you couldn’t easily walk past his room to mine (the room that functions as the guest room). Wednesday night he was leaving with some friends. I asked him if he’d cleaned up his things like mom asked. He didn’t and then left. I went upstairs and threw his things all into his room. Empty Coke cans and cups and all. Thursday he asked if I’d done that. I said I had and he acted all huffy. I told him mom had asked him to do it, the upstairs was unpresentable to everyone staying with us for the weekend and that was that. He really didn’t argue. He also didn’t stick around. I saw my brother for a total of about 15 minutes in the 4 days I was home. He didn’t bother to stay at home one night…or day for that matter. I didn’t see him at all yesterday before I left. You would think he would want to spend time with his family before he ships out. I mean, I made a last minute trip I hadn’t planned on because of his orders and he didn’t respect that at all. That’s like him though. He really doesn’t respect much of anyone. He’s respectful of officers in the army, but well, he has to be. I now know the 3 people he spent the week with are more important to him right now than our family and that’s great to know. I’m glad I went home. He also made a point to call and tell me before I went home that the picture I wanted him to do for me would be done by the time I got home. Well, the canvases still hadn’t been touched when I left last night. I just wish he would grow up and consider other people. Be a grown up.

So I spent the majority of the weekend knitting. Athens made me a scarf out of some yarn that I bought and I’m working on another. I wish I had more time for a hobby here. I only get to read at night if I want to give up a little sleep time and well, I only knit when I’m at my parents. Here my life is work. Awesome.

A montage

I’m having drama at work over something I put on here that people think I shouldn’t have. I didn’t release any proprietary information and I wasn’t bashing anyone. It was something that made me laugh and the only people who know it was us are people at the company I work at…so what’s wrong with it?  Either way, I’ll never post anything from work on here again…so call it a learning experience and let that be that.

I have been thinking about OPH lately. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 2 months. No texts, no emails, no IMs, nothing. I wonder how he is. I wonder if he’s dating anyone. I wonder if he regrets the way things went. I wonder if he feels like he’s lost. I’m doing a lot of wondering.

I’ve been out with 2 guys since him. Neither went anywhere. Both seem like good guys. I hate that everyone here only wants to go on a few dates and be done. No one here is looking for a relationship. Yes, I’m here for my career, but I’d also like companionship. This city is all about going out and drinking and spending money. I want someone I can stay home with. There are people in relationships…it could happen. I just don’t want to be 30 when it does.

I wish I had time for a hobby. I don’t even have time to go to the gym 3 times a week. I wish I worked 8:30 to 6:30 or something, and didn’t have to go out after so I could go to the gym on a regular basis. The parties and things we go to with work are a lot of fun though. This next month is going to be particularly crazy with everything coming up for Q1. I’m really trying not to put in so much over time. Hah…I’m not going to be able to cut it down at much as I’d like. I wish I had the self control to get up at 6am and go before work. I have lost a couple pounds though…ish. Wish I could lose like 10 more. This weekend at home I went to the store with my friend and looking at my reflection in the window walking up to the store next to hers did not make me feel good.

I wonder…

I really wonder if he sent this in…

It would explain why his story is ever changing.

Maybe I’m afraid…or realistic?

So my brother is Special Ops in the Army.  He is an artist.  He is also leaving very soon for Afghanistan to go sniff out the bad guys (from the understanding I have of things).  I’ve been asking him to make me a painting for my room.  It started out as something I just wanted and didn’t have money to buy, plus my brother does cool art.  Then I found out he was shipping out.  Now it’s turned into a piece of my brother I will have.  He’s not halfway around the world yet, so it’s not a total reality, but it’s reality enough that I realize he might not actually come back.  Now my wanting this picture has nothing to do with making my room asthetically pleasing and everything to do with the fact that once my brother leaves after the holidays he may never come back.  I want to have a little of something from him and something he made would be ideal.  It is something I would cherish forever and value and hold on to.  Of course, I can’t tell him that.  I really hope he gets it done before he leaves.

Awesomeness

 I think this is cute, nothing more, nothing less…

 

My portfolio partner and another student from my program in grad school created this and it rocks!  It had to have taken so long…and the multi-eyed chick is so cute!

Skinny Jeans

So yesterday after work I went to Old Navy…not much different than the Gap, but cheaper cause they know they’re not high end and they don’t pretend to be…and they don’t have a child labor problem that I know of.  Anyway, I decided to try on a pair of skinny jeans, seeing as my wide leg jeans don’t fit prettily into my boots.  I dug for probably 10 minutes looking for my size.  Normally I don’t dig.  Finally I found a 4 Long.  Took them to the fitting room (I didn’t find anything else I liked/needed) and tried them on.  I couldn’t get the damn skinny leg all the way over my calves.  Ugh, this totally pissed me off.   I know I have big legs…I run and it’s genetic…it’s not like I’m fat, I just have muscles.  I don’t work my calves out.  I wish I could make them smaller.  The rest of the jeans totally would have fit.  I went to find a 6 just to see if the leg would be bigger.  Couldn’t find a 6.  Got angry, left and went to the gym.  Ugh, I hate that everything in this country revolves around the body of a 14 year old girl.

Halloween

I’m sure there are things I am forgetting about Halloween, but it was Sooooooo fun!  I went as a man eater in red patent heels, black fish nets, a short black pleated skirt, a black tank top, red bra, fake blood dripping down my chin from one side of my mouth, and a bowl full of little green army men with a wooden spoon in it.  It was a hit…and I’m sure people are still finding army men in their pockets!

I met a boy who was at this advertising party, but was only there because his roommate works in media.  He, however, is in finance (this is when I judged him).  We talked throughout the night.  He was sweet.  We danced and talked and flirted and I judged.  He has my ex in his phone.  Weird.  I don’t do finance.  Then we started talking about cooking.  I told him I’ll make a better pot pie than he ever could.  He said he was a soux chef for 8 years.  I told him I’d still make a better pot pie than him…chili too.  He’s Italian and I told him I’d never make lasagna for him.  I don’t even use ricotta in my lasagna.  Hah.

 Before this boy showed up I was hanging with people from work and friends from other agencies just drinking and being ridiculous.  It was so fun!  At one point this guy from the company who was throwing the party stopped me to talk.  He, like everyone else, started the conversation by asking what I was, then when I said it he, like everyone else, went…oooohhhhh…  We talked akwardly for a minute until he finally was like, “I’m hitting on you right now.” I was pretty shocked and I’m sure I made a face.  At that exact, perfect moment some girl walking by tripped over herself and spilled her drink all over my new shoes.  I was a little angry that my feet were all wet, but I was more happy to have an out.  I said, excuse me, I have to go get a napkin and did…but then I just didn’t go back. 

By the end of the night there were little army men everywhere…we were throwing them at each other and chewing on them.  The only complaint I have about the night was the “art” in the bar.  It’s called Gallery Bar and every month they apparently change this art.  This particular night it was of soldiers in Iraq this photographer had apparently gone to live with.  There were captions under all the pictures he had written.  First, let me just say…attack our administration all you want, but leave our soldiers alone!  They’re brave enough to go do something you and I are obviously not and if you had a 12 year old willing to kill you on sight, you probably wouldn’t be the nicest person to everyone either.  These pictures and captions did their best to make the soldiers look mean and evil and terrible.  They live in a highly stressful, dangerous environment.  Screw that guy and his camera.  How are you really going to take pictures in that environment and then try to get all humanitarian?  I can gaurantee you that the terrorists don’t have a humanitarian department telling them to think twice before they go blow up that car with the children in it.  Ugh…the “art” made me angry…and it seemed like a lot of people at the party didn’t appreciate it.

Anyway, off politics, back to Halloween…about 1 I saw all the people I was there with walk outside to leave.  I told the boy I was talking to that they’d all just walked out and I was going to go too.  He said, yeah, lets go.  Lets?  Hmm…I said I was going to go.  Anyway, I turned toward the door and he put his hand on the small of my back and followed me out.  He’d mentioned a driver before, but it didn’t really register.  I went to go left where everyone else had gone…but his driver jumped up and opened the door of an escalade sitting just to the right.  He put his hand on my back and guided me.  I could have disappeared that night and no one would have known.  Instead he took me home, kissed me on the cheek and offered to walk me from the corner to my place.

 It was a great night.

Bad practice, Gap

There are few things I am adamantly against.  Guns?  Just don’t shoot me.  Meat?  God put it here and it’s gonna die anyway, it might as well be my dinner.  Veal, however…I am against eating cows they put in a box so that they can’t walk and build their muscles.  I will not eat baby cow out of a box.  I am also against child labor; specifically child labor used to make my clothing in other countries.  I never really shopped much at Gap, their clothes kind of suck, but they’re not bad for basics once they go on sale (cause Gap is totally over priced for what it is).  Well, last week I found out that they have a child labor problem that apparently involves repulsive conditions.  I’m so over Gap and their bad advertising.