Apparently I am a jerk.

Over the last year or so I’ve been made to feel like the way I say things and the way I approach things is not the right way to do things. I’ve become afraid to make a statement without thinking it over so many times I’ve forgotten what I mean to say. I don’t make posts including my opinion anymore beyond, “Oh, I love this” or “Oh, this is cute.” I don’t talk about things I care about. I can’t even find it in myself to tell my roommate to remember to dust the tv and coffee table when he cleans for fear that it’s going to offend him or someone else.

I am who I am and I don’t like feeling like I need to change that. I am blunt, honest and to the point. I always have been. I am never malicious, ill mannered or intentionally rude. That’s not me, but I’ve learned to feel like it is. People have taken the way I communicate and have made me feel like it’s not ok. I’ve been made to feel like I need to change the way I talk to people and communicate what I am thinking. I am a blunt person. i always have been and I find it much easier than trying to muddle up what I am saying with niceties in order not to hurt someone’s (perhaps too) fragile feelings. There are so many fewer steps involved when I can just say what I mean and what I am thinking, rather than having to code it nicely, then say it to someone who has to simplify or decode what I really meant. Why can I not just say what I mean? I’ll tell you why, because I’m afraid someone is going to criticize me for being insensitive or mean. Neither of which I am.

I would NEVER intentionally hurt someone. I would never want to do that. I have always treated others the way I wanted to be treated. Always. And somehow I’ve been made to feel like that’s not good enough, that even though I would never want to hurt someone, I am mean. I am tired of not being able to simply communicate what I mean or saying what I mean and it being twisted into something I did not mean. It’s exhausting.

Oh, and by the way, when I was writing this, it was meant to be read with a melancholy tone, not a raging tone…just in case someone wants to try to make this something it wasn’t meant to be.

Texans for Rick Perry, I do not support thee

At some point I somehow managed to get onto the Texans for Rick Perry mailing list. I think this was because when I was in college a friend worked for the campaign, asked me to sign up, I thought nothing of it, did and that was that. Apparently he is campaigning again because I have gotten several emails from Texans for Rick Perry over the last month or two. I have clicked on the unsubscribe link with every email. In fact, I even called one of the people who emailed me and asked to be removed. I just got another email and called Rick Perry’s office to ask to be removed. The girl I talked to said she would do it. Rick Perry, I don’t support you. I actually don’t live in Texas anymore and haven’t for more than half of your term in office. I don’t care to receive emails about you. I don’t care to vote for you. I believe under the Can Spam Act I can actually sue Texans for Rick Perry for continuing to receive these emails. Rick Perry, take me off your mailing list!

Pretty Plaid Cardigan

I recently made an order from Target for this cardigan. It’s super cute and since plaid is back, I thought it would be a great addition to my fall/winter wardrobe.

The sweater was back ordered and said it would be shipped something like Oct 2-10. I figured I could wait a couple weeks. Then, last night I got this email:

Thank you for shopping at Target.com.

Unfortunately, the following item is not currently available
from any of our sources.

“Xhilaration Cream 3/4 Sleeve Printed Cardigan – S”

We have cancelled this item from your order.

Not available? Then why is it on the site? I checked today and the site says it is out of stock, but it is still up on the site to look at. Target should at least fulfill the orders people made, rather than just saying, eh, we’re canceling this and not sending it to you. What the heck!?

Smushed in the Subway Doors

Yesterday morning while on my way to work, the 7 train was very crowded, as it always is. New Yorkers never want to move into the middle of the car, because then they’re not as close to the doors and they can’t get off as quickly as they would like. Being the last stop across the river from Grand Central, this poses a problem because by this point the trains are very crowded. If people don’t move into the middle of the car, a lot of times there won’t be room for me to get on.

Yesterday was no exception and I was the last person from the bunch at our stop getting into the car. The people in front of me didn’t move far enough in and I was trying to squeeze in before the doors closed. The train driver, who of course is on a schedule, will close the doors to make his point that you need to get in or out. He closed the doors right on me and it hurt so bad. I should have just pushed the girl in front of me into the car, but I really didn’t even think about it until after.

Last night when I was getting ready for bed I noticed a bruise in a weird place on my arm and wondered how I got it. I didn’t figure out the answer until a few minutes ago when I discovered another bruise on my other arm. It’s long, thin and straight. It looks as if a subway door hit me there. Interesting.

Now I’m irritated that I have bruises. Next time I’m pushing the person in front of me into the train.

Your book stepped on me

I am currently reading Laura Bush: An Intimate Portrait of the First Lady because I recently read American Wife and I wanted to compare it to the truth just so I wasn’t basing my opinion of Laura Bush on a work of fiction.

On Sunday I got on the subway and had my book in my hand. I opened it up and shifted my feet a little because it was crowded. The man sitting in front of me sort of squirmed and made a face, so I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, did I step on you?” He said, “No, but that book did.” All I could think to say was, “Well, she’s a Democrat.” and that was that – which isn’t even entirely true. She was raised in a democratic house and is more liberal than her husband, but never had strong political beliefs, views, or associations. She calls herself Republican by marriage.

It really bothered me that he commented on the book I was reading. He was an old black man (with graying hair) who looked very put together. He was sitting with a teenage black girl who had a book about black history in her lap and the entire while I was on the train he lectured her about the black people of America and the difficulties they have faced. That is in no way my issue and I do not intend to have a discussion about that, I just wanted to give an idea of my perception of this man and why he would have said what he did.

While everyone is entitled to their opinion, I am also entitled to the right to read what I please without people making comments or vocal judgments. It is my prerogative to read about Laura Bush, just as it is to read about Jacqueline Kennedy, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, or Adolf Hitler (not that I am comparing these women to him). My point is that these are historic public figures and I read about them to gain some knowledge whether I agree with them and their views and opinions or not. I didn’t comment on the book on the young woman’s lap – by all means, read away, just as long as you are reading.

I felt like there was so much ignorance in his comment. While he might disagree with the politics of her husband, to react so strongly doesn’t really do much. It was not his place to say anything and honestly, while I might be overreacting, I am slightly offended at the judgment I felt. I am reading a book so that I can get my facts straight and form an educated opinion. While I don’t have to agree with her to read the book, I feel it is necessary to educate oneself on topics across the board. Ignorance is the result of people who choose not to learn about something, or to ignore it (although, ignoring something cannot always be blamed on ignorance).

It’s bothering me now that in his judgment of me, I am in return judging him. Call it a defense mechanism, call it humanity, call it what you will. I just prefer people to not comment on the books I read.

Swine Flu Outbreak

This whole swine flu thing is getting a little ridiculous to me. I do understand that it could become a pandemic (which is scary) and I do understand that it is killing people (which is sad), but I also understand that what is being said about swine flu was also said about bird flu and SARS. Even if this is worse, which it very well may be, I have no idea, worrying isn’t going to help anything. So far, to my knowledge, the virus has not been deadly in the US and there are people who are definitely recovering.

I’m waiting for people in the city to break out the masks as there are confirmed cases of 20 high school students in Queens, as well as at least one employee at Earnst & Young (according to my roommate). While masks might be a smart preventative measure to take, they will make me snicker.

My roommate is freaked out by this whole thing and is eating up the news the media is putting out about it. My question though, is at what point does journalism become irresponsible. Of course this is something that is news worthy and should be covered so that people are aware of both its existence as well as symptoms, treatments, and when it is appropriate to go to the hospital. However, at some point that line can be breached and people are now having a sense of fear instilled into them rather than just getting the news.

I’m to the point that I don’t really want to hear much more about this. I know it exists, I know the symptoms are like any other flu, I know it’s spreading across the world and could become a pandemic, but I also know that even in 1918 when there was an influenza pandemic, it only killed 2% of the population. I do understand that 2% is a lot of people, but in perspective, it’s nothing compared to something like the bubonic plague that killed 25%-50% of Europe’s population.

In short, I am aware of the swine flu, the chances of my dying from it are small, and I’m tired of hearing about it.

Dieting, eh?

I absolutely do not understand people who are trying to diet or lose weight who bring lean cuisine to work for lunch, then while they’re waiting, go over to the soda machine and drink a Coke (or Diet Coke). How do people not understand how awful soda is for you? It’s unnecessary calories. As many as I can eat in a meal. It’s also a ton of sugar. People always say, “but Diet Coke doesn’t have sugar.” It has aspartame which is suspected of causing cancer and brain tumors and it’s still loaded with empty carbs. It also has high fructose corn syrup in it, which stops your body from realizing you are full, so you keep eating.

Then these people go back to the microwave and pull out their lean cuisine that has mashed potatoes in it. I don’t get it. I’m not saying potatoes are bad for you by any means, but there are so many better choices.

There are so many easy, great resources out there. Tons of health/work out blogs. Trainers. Women’s and Men’s Health websites and magazines. I guess I just don’t understand people who are trying to lose weight or be more healthy who don’t bother to educate themselves or totally disregard something that is important about the process. Why even do it. I’m sure some is better than none, but I would say drinking multiple sodas a day totally cancels out everything else that you are doing.

Ridiculous Rant – EST vs. EDT

Something that has been driving me absolutely nuts lately is peoples’ use of EST. “Can we set something up for Monday at 11 EST?” No, we can’t. Want to know why? Because it is NOT Standard time. Daylight Savings Time makes spring and summer fall into Daylight time. We can set a meeting up for Monday at 11 EDT. No one seems to know that EST or CST or MST or PST do not apply all year round. How is that so difficult to be educated about??

I know, it’s an incredibly ridiculous thing to be bothered by, but I’m a quasi-ridiculous person.

Learn it – after “Spring Forward,” you are in Daylight time. After “Fall Back,” you are then in Standard time.

Frustrations at the gym

Well, here I am back in the gym. I’ve been working out very consistently for a month now and haven’t lost a single pound. I know everyone says not to look at the scale, but I also feel the same and my clothes are fitting the same. It’s frustrating. I’m eating well, I’m working out, I’m not eating out…and still I can not drop weight. It really bothers me. I know, everyone says I’m thin and look great, and I totally agree that I’m nowhere near overweight, but I would like to lose a little weight. Tone up some more. I have worked out for a really long time and always go to the gym pretty consistently. I go through phases where I don’t go often enough and these are often induced by my work life schedule. Right now things are calm and I’m spending a lot of time at the gym…but I’m just not noticing a difference. I’ll give it a couple more weeks and we shall see…

TBD I suppose.

Birth Control might have been the answer to keeping Nancy Pelosi out of office

I honestly hate Nancy Pelosi, I think the woman is terrible and I despise that she is the second most powerful person in Congress.  She, in my mind, is the prime example of someone who somehow stumbled up to the top.  This article is currently on Drudge Report:

PELOSI SAYS BIRTH CONTROL WILL HELP ECONOMY
Sun Jan 25 2009 22:13:43 ET

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi boldly defended a move to add birth control funding to the new economic “stimulus” package, claiming “contraception will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.”

Pelosi, the mother of 5 children and 6 grandchildren, who once said, “Nothing in my life will ever, ever compare to being a mom,” seemed to imply babies are somehow a burden on the treasury.

The revelation came during an exchange Sunday morning on ABC’s THIS WEEK.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?

PELOSI: Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children’s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those – one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So no apologies for that?

PELOSI: No apologies. No. we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy.

Developing…