Tonight I walked out of my last class of the day. I got in there, sat down and was immediately unsure of whether or not I belonged in the class. Gender, information and technology. It sounded really interesting from the description. It was a class they had developed, however, to help people with their thesis or PhD. For an elective, it required WAY too much thinking and writing. Some of these classes make me feel so dumb, which leaves me asking, am I really meant to be here? Sometimes I don’t know how I got in. I don’t feel like I am intuitive enough, can’t infer enough, and don’t write well enough.
The end of last semester scarred me with papers. I don’t feel like I can write well enough. My profs all want 20 page research papers. I don’t think I can write 20 good pages about ANYTHING. When I write I want to get straight to the point and I don’t see what repeating other papers that have already been written achieves. If I can’t get into creative and Burns doesn’t like me what am I left with? What’s the point of getting my masters without a specialization? I’m scared that I’m not as smart as people think I am.
Looking at my schedule today, rearranging things, and looking at what I still need to take I realized I can be done next December. Hmm…that’s a thought worth entertaining. :-D