I absolutely HATE being around drunk guys. I can't stand it. They frustrate me, they irritate me, they make me want to be somewhere else, anywhere else. Friends blame this on working in a bar in college. They're probably right. I came in contact with plethoras of drunk guys on a daily basis. I would rather be forced to hang out at home alone all the time than be out with drunk guys. They lose their inhabitions, say stupid things, look at all of me but my face, get easily defensive and say offensive things, all the while asking me why I'm not talking. What makes you think I want to talk to someone like that?!?

Last night I went out with a bunch of friends for a friend's bday. I got home about 2. I got up about 6:30. Let me tell you how hard my work out was this morning! Anyway, a couple few of them had a little more to drink than everyone else. Let me just start by asking, why is it that the first thing a guy tries to do when he's had too many drinks is kiss me?!? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "easy?" I'm never going to go for it. Please just don't embarass me or yourself and save that for sobriety. I am a pretty shy girl and I'm NOT a PDA person. I will never kiss you in front of a large group of people, especially when we are not together.

These said boys also seem to lose all self esteem when they are in the bottle. They are constantly fishing and looking for me to say nice things. Let me just say, if when you are sober I am too timid to pay you a good compliment what in the world makes you think that your being drunk is going to make me want to do it more? If anything that is going to make me not want to talk to you beyond friendly outings anymore. I lose interest easily and being drunk and stupid is a good way out for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I like to have a good time with the best of them, but getting "shitty" is just not appealing, nor is it attractive. Can't guys just realize how much is too much and quit like 3 beers ago?

Now, after last night, that group of friends is going to be talking/asking about me and one of the guys in the group. That is awkward when people ask what's going on and you don't know what to say. "Umm…he's a nice guy, but we're not together, we're just getting to know each other." That's such a bs answer. I would just rather not give it and to not do that people would have to not ask, which is why I have NO problem keeping that fact that I have gone out with/go out with/will be going out with a guy friend quiet. I am a pretty private person when it comes to that stuff I guess. That and I am afraid of relationships. I am so much like a guy it's rediculous.

Last night on the way home, I was telling Tash that I am leaving for NY on June 1ish for 2 and a half months. I see little to no point to try to conjure up some relationship right before I leave, especially with someone who is going to be gone during the 2 weeks leading up to my departure. She told me that that is always my excuse. I always say it's not convenient. A year before I graduated college I got it in my head that I did not want to have a relationship with anyone because I was going to be moving soon. She was right. I did that. I just didn't see the point. She told me that something is always going to be going on and that it's always going to be "inconvenient," but that at some point I'm going to have to get over that. Maybe I will have to do long distance for a few months. She says I can handle it. I'm not sure I want to handle it. I have no problem looking out for number 1. I like it that way. Wow, I have issues.

I am going to need to date a guy I've been friends with who knows these things about me. I want him to know that I get scared and run away (call it self defense). I want him to know that I do like him and that he's just going to have to fight me for me, not to give up. I need a guy I've been friends with first. I don't want to jump into anything.

 *addition*  Just to clarify, I don't get bored with the dating or the experience, I tend to get bored with the person.  They are either not religious or have an annoying sense of humor or, the big one, I feel smarter than them.  I HATE that.  Just thought I'd clarify that I don't get bored with the dating activities as much as with the person.


5 responses to “drunkenness

  1. YouWillLearnToHateMe

    You are so afraid of commitment that its ruining your dating life.

    You can stop reading here. That was the important part. Although I just deleted most of my response so as to not wander too far…

    “Well, I know the end is coming, so why bother.” – Mel., as an excuse to actually making an effort, exploring, learning, and having a good time in the process.

    Oh, and you end with “I am going to need to date a guy …. ” and then you list a bunch of things a guy needs to have to COVER UP *YOUR* FAULTS. Don’t you see the problem? You should work more on fixing your personality traits so that you don’t get bored (try being the proactive one and arranging fun dates or coming up with fun topics to talk about), or that it doesn’t seem like you dislike a guy when you actually like him. As in, stop covering your feelings (and its deceitful!). You refuse to take risks, you don’t want to change, and you any excuse you can to not date in the first place.

    You will not find someone to make you happy, period. Unless you change at least one thing about yourself.

    Hey, here’s some options cuz I’m bored:

    1) Date people you don’t expect to like.
    2) Date people even though you know there will soon be a hardship that may cause a break… just be up front about it.
    3) Tell guys what you think of them. Seriously. I won’t post too many details here, but I know that you don’t give proper feedback.
    4) Become the initiatior in a relationship instead of waiting for the guy to do everything. Stop waiting for a knight in shining armor to come sweep you off your feet. You may be attractive, smart, and have a great career path set, but no knight is coming. You’re far more likely to have someone come in, woo you long enough to get you in bed against your better judgement, and then he’s gone to sweep up the next girl. Basically, waiting means that you get “players”.

    so…. your homework:
    Watch for the next guy you meet (or just see) that is decent looking and easy to get along with and has no MAJOR flaws… and ask him out on a date. It may suck, but after a few sucky dates you’ll have confidence to ask the guys that you are really interested in instead of wistfully waiting for them to magically know you are interested. reminder: guys that ask out girls that have given no signs of interest are probably players. I know that’s not what you want.

    Next time you meet someone like church-boy, ask yourself if you want him only as a friend or if you want to date. As soon as you think dating would be nice, ask him what he’s doing on a certain night. At least that’ll hint what you are thinking, even if you have nothing to follow up with…

    i should really, really be working right now, dang it. sorry for satisfying my urge to rant by doing it in your blog.

  2. It’s been my experience that “I’m afraid of commitment” is yet another euphemism for “I’m just not that into him” Starting a relationship isn’t something that takes work – it’s something that just happens. Once you meet a guy that you really really like, whether or not it’s convenient, a relationship – some sort of relationship – will happen. Don’t worry about it and analyze everything – just have fun, go with the flow, and let your feelings take over. That’s just my advice : )

  3. YouWillLearnToHateMe

    “it’s something that just happens”… that works during college, when you meet a ton of people almost every day and have the most flexible schedule you could iimagine. Once you get out of that environment, suddenly your chances of finding that perfect natural relationship drop. You’ll be forced to take an active role in finding someone and making time. If its a good relationship, you’ll want to do these things and thats about as close to natural as it’ll get, but it’ll always be inconvenient.

  4. Damn my sense of off humor ;-)

  5. I’m equally afraid of commitment, but as you know, I am in a committed relationship. Instead of examining every boy, every situation, everything, just go with it and see what happens. If it doesn’t pan out the way you want, drop it…and if it does…go with it. You never know what will happen.

    Ok, there’s my “pretend-to-say-something-insightful” comment. Now to the real question….

    Are you going downtown tonite?

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