I don’t compete for boys

I refuse to compete with her. I won’t do it, it’s not my thing, and I hate games. She invited him, his roommate and another guy over to grill out tonight. He accepted. Right now he is about 50 feet away from me in another girl’s apartment. I don’t like it, but there’s nothing I can do about it. We had an 8 hour, awesome date Friday night. Right now I’m just trying to think about that and the fact that he was here, but right now, he’s there. He is in her apartment. I can hear them all laughing. I wonder if he is thinking about me. I hate this. I don’t want to think about it. I can’t wait for the girls to get here for Grey’s. We are going to make tacos and hang out. The sooner they get here and the faster time passes, the better. I don’t like her, I don’t want to like her. I hope something happens where he has the opportunity to turn her down and does it. I want her to know that we are dating. I am pretty sure she is clueless. Does that look bad on his part or is it just because we aren’t serious? Because we just started dating…you know? Does he not tell her because he doesn’t want things to be weird at work or because that is an option he wants to leave open. I do NOT want to be that girl. You know, the jealous, posessive one. I don’t want to say anything to him about how much I hate that he is there. I don’t want to cross paths with them while they are there. I want to look completely cool and act like this is having no effect on me whatsoever. I do not want him to know. I am shaking.

*update* When they all left he came and hung out with me. He ended the night with me. He likes me. He asked me to take him to the airport when he leaves. I could think of nothing else I would rather be doing. We had a super awkward talk last night. It needed to be had. It’s a talk I hate to have. Things are still weird. I hope they get better soon.

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