I have this weird overwhelming feeling of failure right now. Maybe it’s just anxiety. I just read an email a friend put on her blog about getting caught “not working” while at work. You ever take 5 minutes just to breathe cause you’ve been really busy all day…and then you get caught? It’s like you get your hand caught in the cookie jar. I hate being seen not doing what I’m supposed to be when I have been doing what I’m supposed to be. It’s frustrating, yet the boss will always show up during that rest period. It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and should/will get in trouble. I HATE that feeling.
Also, Natashia and I took on the feat of leading a small group. For the last month no one has come. This reflects poorly on us. We emailed the girls asking why. It took 1 a few days to get back to us, another over a week and those are the only responses we’ve gotten. They both blamed their lack of interest on us, which I can’t negate, but it’s hard. When we asked what they wanted we got very little response, so it’s hard to know what to do other than what we’re doing at that point. So, they didn’t like it and they quit coming. Frustrating and discouraging. We did things to try to provoke conversation, which they were apparently not interested in. I don’t know what else to do. After a while there’s only so much you can say about certain things. No? Again though, this is provoking that feeling of getting caught doing something I shouldn’t be. That ‘I’m a disappointment’ feeling. I hate it. I don’t know what to do to make it go away. I don’t know how to fix the group. The best thing I can think of is to not do it. They’re not coming? They didn’t like it? Why keep trying? I’m not your teacher, it’s all of our group, right? If you have something better, why not contribute and make it better?? Why blame it all on us for not being what you expected? Maybe together we can make it what you expected.