Monthly Archives: January 2007

A new job at the same place

Tomorrow I start my first day in a new store in a new position at the same company. It’s weird for me. I’ve been asking for this job since early November. About 2 weeks ago I helped out at another store and our regional manager was there during my shift. She asked to talk to me before I left, which made me nervous, I mean, she has the power to tell me, “I don’t want you to work here anymore.” Well, apparently me expressing the desire to take that position made its way up to her and she wanted to talk to me about it. She told me honestly that she didn’t want to put me in that position in the store I am working in because she thinks I would fail. I can see her point; she said it’s not me, it’s the store. She’s right, I’ve seen other people in our store fail in that position and get asked to leave. I don’t want to set myself up to fail. She did tell me though that she thinks they’re wasting me where I am and that she’d like me to move to another store for training with the possibility of opening the new store in March. She told me she’d be at my regular store the following week and she’d talk to me about it then.

When she was at my store she didn’t mention anything to me about the new job and ended up leaving early because of an emergency. She came back, but I’d gotten off work by the time she got back. This was Wednesday. Friday when I got to work I saw an email from her to my manager telling him to call her when he got the email. I had a feeling it was about me. That and the world revolves around me, so it had to be about me. He was in the back for a while on the phone, then came out, handed me the phone and told me she wanted to talk to me. She talked to me about the new job, offered me the position, told me she wanted me to start Monday and that was that.

Tomorrow is my first day at the new store. Saturday was weird; it was the last day at my job although I wasn’t quitting. Tomorrow I will start and all will be good, this other store gets more business and the people aren’t as cheap, therefore they have better product. It will be cool.

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Watch me be irritated about something stupid…

I would just like to start off by saying, “hi, today I have the maturity of a 7 year old.” Last week in ICM, Dr. Cunningham opened class by said, “I hope you like where you’re sitting because this is where you will sit for the rest of the semester.” We all sort of groaned and accepted it. Today I was in the library until right before class. I didn’t leave early because I knew I would have a seat. A good seat. The one I chose for its location last week. When I got there today as I walked in the door I saw Ben sitting down in my seat; to talk to Melissa I assumed. Then he pulled out his laptop as I walked up. I said something about it being in my seat and he said something about yeah, but it doesn’t matter, see other people are in different seats this week. So I had no choice but to find another seat. That shouldn’t piss me off, but it did.

Dream

I needed paper towels to windex something, so I rode my bike to P’s house. I hadn’t seen him in a week. I got there and there was almost no furniture in his apt. It looked like he was moving out. There was a girl sitting on an exercise ballwatching tv. I said something to her when she looked at me wanting to know what I was doing thereand she said he wasn’t there. She knew who I was. I could hear people talking and having a good time in the bedroom and then he got up off the couch. He was wearing a teal bra and some sweatpants. I looked at him funny for the bra and he made up a stupid reason for why he was wearing it. He told me he didn’t have any, then another girl came out of his room, she knew who I was too and looked at the other girl like “what is she going here?” I said I had to go and instead of taking the bike I’d ridden back to where I lived I ran. When I did I made my way through that same neighborhood and every block had a gang of kids on it who’d beat you up and not let you pass. I got scared and went the long way home. Mom and dad had been traveling, and I was really nervous about them flying. When I got there mom and dad were home, safely and I was relieved. I picked on mom like I do when I’m frustrated with her because I know it can make her feel the same way I was feeling. I said I was going to go to bed and made my way to the stairs. On the way I had to pass through the livingroom where Nana and Aunt Brenda were. It was a sunken livingroom and Aunt Brenda was sitting on the floor. She had her head resting back on the step behind her. We looked at each other and smiled. I was so happy to see her. Nana said she was doing better, she couldn’t feel any pain. She then told me she wasn’t feeling any pain, wasn’t that great?

I didn’t make it any further in the dream. I woke up and cried.

Disappointment

So it’s my last semester of my masters. In 113 days I will be finished with college and maybe for good. It’sa great thought, except for that I want to have a job. I’m worried that I won’t find one. Everyone says, “don’t worry, you will,” but how do I know? I was just talking to Jeremy, who I shared an office with this summer, and he has a verbal agreement from CDM already. I want one!! He said he’s been talking to them nonstop since he left. So have I…or I’ve been trying at least. I email and get occasional responses. I just want to know that when I’m finished in May I’ll be able to move to NY, no worries. I want something for sure.

Something else that has been stressing me out lately is spring break. I want to and have been trying to plan to go to London, Milan and Rome. I can’t go without getting another job, I’ll never be able to afford it. I need to decide pretty much right now if I’m going to go or now. I don’t have another job yet, so I can’t commit to anything. I really want to do, but I’m going to need to make $3000 to pay for it. That’s doable if I get one of these jobs I’ve applied to downtown, but if not there’s no way. I wish I had a little more time to figure it all out. I want to go so bad, but commiting to if when I have no way of knowing if I’ll be able to pay for it is just stupid. Anyone wanna make a donation?

Anonymity

Someone has recently made two comments on here that I feel like were made to provoke me. They didn’t give their own name, but used mine as well as put in my email address for their own, leading me to believe they absolutely know me and well. This person’s IP address shows they are in Virginia. I, however, have a difficult time believing this is possible, I know no one in Virginia, nor do I have an email buddy there. So much for tracking IP Addresses. I will respond here to their most recent comment and then I will no longer acknowledge them because they will not say who they are. If they don’t have the pluck to say who they are I am not compelled to continue a ridiculous blog repartee with them.

“i shouldn’t have to man up and say who i am . . . i like being your conscious. i didn’t miss what you were talking about, karma is a big thing in life and if you want something as bad as it sounds like you want this, you need to take a look at what you’re doing in your own life and figure out why things aren’t happening the way you want them to. i am a firm believer that if you want something bad enough and are willing to do everything in your power to get there the right way, everything will fall into place and you will get what it is you want or in your case what you feel you deserve.”

I respect your beliefs and if you know me so well perhaps you should know that in being Catholic I don’t believe in karma. I don’t think it is, in fact, relevant to me whereas you might. I refuse to believe men don’t treat me with the respect I deserve because of the way I may treat someone else. I try very hard to treat others the way I expect to be treated. That is a way I have lived my life since high school, however, whether or not this is a successful venture does not determine how others treat me. I just don’t believe that. I can see and acknowledge where the way I treat one person will directly effect the way they treat me in return, but I don’t believe another relationship with a person who is a stranger to them will affect the relationship we have.

Everyone deserves to be treated well by a romantic interest and if you’re not then that’s not right. That was my point. I respect that karma may be something that is big in your life, but it is not in mine, so please, don’t belittle my feeling by telling me that it is somehow my fault. The way people treat me in a romantic setting is not my fault, just like it is not the fault of a woman who allows herself to end up in a situation that results in her being date raped.

You may be a firm believer that if you want something badly enough and you’re willing to work hard to achieve or accomplish it in the right way that it will, bravo for you, but I take into account the will of God and the fact that not everything I want will be in His will. Just because I want something and work hard for it does not mean I will get it. That is a naive way of thinking. Take into consideration the Declaration of Independence and the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson when he wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” The PURSUIT of happiness. Just because you pursue something does not mean you will ever realize it, that’s just not the way of life.

This is all I’m going to do to recognize you and explain myself. I will not do it again, please stop trying to be my “conscience,” my parents raised me well and I have my own, thank you.

All sorts of thoughts

I’m thinking all sorts of things right now. Maybe cause I’ve been drinking, maybe just cause they needed to be thought. You know, you can’t make someone love you, no matter how much you want them to, no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you try. I deserve someone who does special things to me. Someone who plans time with me. Someone who cares that I care about them. I need a man who will do anything to keep me and wants to be with me. For less than that I cannot settle. I’m good at taking less than that, and I need to not be. It’s not ok for me to be the girl you want to sleep next to just cause you want someone to sleep next to. It’s not ok for you to go on about your time like it doesn’t matter than I’m there. It’s not ok for me to pursue you. None of these things are ok. There’s more that’s not ok…like what’s going on in general right now and I need to make sure it stops. I just want to feel wanted. I’m realize now though that I’m not all that wanted after all. He could take me or leave me (it feels like). No more calling, no more visiting. I will reciprocate his actions, but I will not initiate. I deserve more than I’ve been given and it makes me sad that someone so seemingly great doesn’t realize how great I am. I just want what I deserve.

Overzealous TAs

So I haven’t started classes yet, my first is on Monday…at 8am. I am not excited about the time, but I am excited about the professor and what she can teach me. Hah, how merdy do I sound?! Anyway, from her I have not recieved any emails or notices, why is this? Because the class hasn’t started yet! I have another class Monday evening at 4. For this class so far I have been sent 4 emails, asked to stop by campus to pick up a “packit” that I have to read and be able to answer questions on during class on Monday, as well as order materials from a website. The class hasn’t even begun yet! I hate classes like this where the TA wants to be your best email pal and your prof thinks they are your life. I am not in the least bit excited about this class. Not at all. Theprofessor is the head of the advertising department…which I don’t understand…I think she has an MBA and has worked in advertising but on the business side. Everyone says she teaches a marketing class. How is the haell is a marketing class going to be as good for me as an advertising class is? Pooh on that!!

I am not excited about this class at all. Last semester, same prof, different class she wouldn’t let people use computers at all…for anything. Not to type papers, not in class, not at all. The idea that she’s teaching this class just from all the horror stories I’ve heard scares/intimidates me. As I have stated I am not excited. I don’t like that I have homework before class has even started, I don’t like that she’s going to be gauging whether or not we’re suitable for this class on Monday by quizzing us, and I don’t like that the TA has already sent me 4 emails. I am not excited. Come on May 4th!