Monthly Archives: April 2007

Single…but not ready to mingle…

I spent last weekend in Dallas with one of my best friends and some of our friends from college. She is getting married in June and we had her friend’s shower and her bachelorette party. Her fiance had his bachelor party. Friday night we all got together at their house and just hung out like old times. I never have a bad time with that group. On the drive to Dallas I got so excited about seeing and hanging out with everyone again. I knew it would be amazingly fun drunken times! That night started with a Chickfila nugget tray and beer pong. Then we decided to go to the neighborhood bar, named with a neon sign simply, “BAR.” Classy.

First I had Alex and Joe, Justin’s two married/engaged groomsmen hitting on me. Then when they got too drunk to stand a guy named Kenny stepped in. He was hitting on Erica first and when she told him she was engaged he stopped, but Becca somehow got involved…told him she was also getting married and then she called me over. They introduced us, he bought us shots, we all got to talking. He looked 23 or so and had me guess his age. He then told me I was wrong, as was Becca who guessed 22 next. He told us 36, which we didn’t believe, so he got out his ID. I told him he is 8 years younger than my Dad. He eneded up telling us about his daughter (while he was trying to get my number) who is 20! 20!!! Then he proceeded to tell me I looked like her momma. Seriously?!? At that point I decided it was about time to go. He asked me if he could get my number first. I told him Becca had my phone (it was in her purse), which had NOTHING to do with him getting my number, but it sounded good at the time. He didn’t believe me, so I asked her if it was true. She said it was, went and got it, put his name in it, and gave it to him. He then put in his number and called himself. Then we left. Saturday I got a text from him which I left unanswered.

Saturday we had Becca’s shower then gave her the lingere we all got her after the shower but before dinner. We did dinner at Erica’s parent’s restaurant in Southlake: Johnny B’s…SO GOOD! Then we went to Pete’s Piano Bar in Ft. Worth, where Becca has wanted to have her bachelorette party for like 3 years now. We had a freaking blast. That place is so expensive though. I’m glad I got paid the day I went up there, I spent like $80 just there that night. We had a blast. The tables are super close together, so we ended up making “friends” with the guy Sarah was shoulder to shoulder with. He lives in Austin like the 2 of us, so we ended up talking about it. Then Sarah ended up trying to set me up with his friend who she thought was cute. She kept saying, “isn’t my friend cute? You should talk to her.” Then I think she gave him my number. Then Adam, the one from Austin asked for it. Seriously?!? Again, I was the single friend and they kept trying to pair me up. I think they also tried to give my number to one of the bouncers.

This week I have had to be a bitch and ignore phone calls from the guys they gave my number to this weekend. It’s weird being the only one left who’s not engaged or married. My guess is it’ll be that way for a while.

Sunday funday…

So today I was supposed to work 2-7. My boss is supposed to open the store and close the store on the first and last Sunday of every month. She doesn’t. Tomorrow I have a test, Tuesday I pretty much have all my final critique stuff due, and Friday I have my final project for another class due. So, in the next 5 days I am essentially finishing my semester. For the most part. I don’t have time to go to work today. I know that for most people it’s a priority, but my job is mot my priority, my career is. My career will be started by this Masters that I am finishing, not this job that I have quit. I have been planning not to go in today, but I didn’t tell her that until this morning. Our assistant and the part timers working today knew though. She wants the night off, like she does every other night, so that she can (as her best friend puts it) “hang out with her man” (who she met online). She doesn’t work nights, she makes us do it, so I figure she can close. She can work the 8 hour Sunday shift alone like she makes us do.

I called this morning on my way to brunch with my parents. She freaked out on me and yelled at me and got pissed off. I thought her head might explode. She tried to put me down and make me feel like nothing. Guess what, you trying to make me feel like shit is going to make me want to come in even less; It makes me care even less. So she kind of freaked out on me and I was quiet and then I was just like, “well, sorry, I’m not coming in. Have a good day.” I should have sent her cookies. Haha. (Athena’s idea.) Whatever, I feel like I got a lot done today and it was better for me than to go work at a job I don’t care about and have already quit.

Moving

I have posted everything I intend to sell on Craig’s List and have so far sold only my 4 dining chairs and my set of 4 rugs. I still need to get rid of all my big furniture. Someone’s going to have to want to buy it though, right? I’m working on it. Really, that’s not what I should be worrying about right now anyway. I have so many other things going on. This is my last week of work, I am finished Tuesday. Next week I am super busy with school. Monday I have a test in ICM and it is our last class day for my non-profit class in which we have our semester long project due Friday. Tuesday is our last day of Portfolio and we really need to have all of our ads done, which we so don’t. Portfolio is May 10th and then I am finished with school…maybe forever.

Last night I bought my plane ticket to New York for May 15th. I could go the 14th, but an extra day might be nice to have. I spent $5.00. I love frequent flier miles! I had to pay $5.00 for tax or something and that was it, my flight was completely free. Good…I really couldn’t afford to buy an actual flight. Now, it is a roundtrip ticket, but because I have to return for Becca’s wedding the weekend of June 1. I will fly back to Texas May 30 and then probably head back to NY June 4th or 5th. We shall see. It depends on whether or not I have a job lined up yet. Hopefully I will.

Monies

I am broke and the prospect of moving to the most expensive area in the country is freaking me out. In no way are these actions going to help my not be broke, but I just cancelled 2 of my “credit” cards. I have a Banana Republic card and a Dillard’s card, neither of which I have used since 2005. I keep meaning to cancel them, but hadn’t done it until today. Next up are my Vicki’s card and my Express card. I will cancel them once they are paid off. For Vicki’s, that will be next month. Express may have to wait until the end of the summer or fall. Regardless, I am still broke. I, however, don’t need these cards to contribute to my brokeness.

My first trip to NY will be paid for with Dad’s frequent flier miles. OPH keeps offering to buy it, but I just can’t let him. My second trip and one way flight will be paid for by me. My tax return will pay off my real credit card that has the remainder of my debt from Europe on it and Grandma and Grandpa’s graduation present (if they are as generous as they were when I graduate from undergrad) will pay my first month, last month and deposit on my NY apt. The furniture I sell before I move with pay for any other costs I have. I will have to wait until late summer when I am a bit more financially stable to buy furniture. Maybe the money Mom and Dad are trading me for my car will pay for that.

I just took the bridesmaid’s dress I am wearing in Becca’s wedding to the alterations place this morning. They said the alterations will be $80! That is ridiculous!! I should have gotten someone I know to do it. Too late now.

Anyway, I’m stressed in the money dept…but what person having a quarter-life crisis isn’t?

Mark knows too…

“Being Twenty-Something”

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding
things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move
forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now
you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

VT Shooting

So odd. Today I was sitting in class thinkning about how we’re in there from 8-11 every Monday and if anything catastrophic were to happen in the world in those 3 hours we would have no idea. It was a weird thought and I dismissed it as quickly as it came. After class I met a friend for lunch where I got a text message from another friend telling me 22 people had been killed at Virginia Tech and to be careful today. I was confused seeing as I’m not at Virginia Tech, but appreciative nonetheless for the consideration and thought. I just think it’s very weird how I had a thought like that at the same time as the incident was happening.

Shortly after I found out about the incident a friend who is in both of my classes today (and was fine this morning) called me, obviously crying. She said she may not make it to class and if she doesn’t she wanted me to take notes for her. I told her I would, didn’t pry, and that was it. I honestly hope everything is alright.

I am an emotional wreck. I hate crying.

Tuesday night when I was talking to OPH I had a bit of a breakdown. Well, not so much breakdown at all actually. I knew that my emotions were out of whack, I could feel it and I warned him. I was talking to him about my current job, quitting it and my future. I told him that is probably what I will talk about for the next month because that’s really all that is on my mind. That and him, but I’m not going to tell him that.

So Wednesday night I was supposed to go out with Kayla to see the Spazmatics. We’d been planning on it since we were in London; yeah, we plan things in advance. Well, cover there is $5, so I stopped by the bank to get some cash. It told me my overdraft protection was going to be used for the money. What?!? My bank accound should be NO WHERE near the red! So I went home, looked online at my bank account, transfered some money and went back to the bank. I then got money and called mom on my way downtown. I talked to her about all the money stuff and then ended up crying about New York and telling her I don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know how I’m going to make it. CDM doesn’t want me, right now it feels like no one wants me. I had a break down because I really have no idea where I’m going to be in a month, but I’m not going to have an apt, I won’t have a job, and I am NOT moving home. I hate crying, but I did it. On the phone with my mom. No better way to make me feel weak. Then when I got off the phone I sent OPH a text that said, “I hate crying.” and he didn’t text me back. My phone rang as soon as it was sent. There he was wanting to know what was wrong. So I told him and almost ended up crying again. Well, I did, but I hid it. I will not cry to him. I won’t. He’s supportive and will just listen and is great. Just like my mom…hehe. So, hopefully this month isn’t full of crying, but it is a possibility. We will see.