I am an emotional wreck. I hate crying.

Tuesday night when I was talking to OPH I had a bit of a breakdown. Well, not so much breakdown at all actually. I knew that my emotions were out of whack, I could feel it and I warned him. I was talking to him about my current job, quitting it and my future. I told him that is probably what I will talk about for the next month because that’s really all that is on my mind. That and him, but I’m not going to tell him that.

So Wednesday night I was supposed to go out with Kayla to see the Spazmatics. We’d been planning on it since we were in London; yeah, we plan things in advance. Well, cover there is $5, so I stopped by the bank to get some cash. It told me my overdraft protection was going to be used for the money. What?!? My bank accound should be NO WHERE near the red! So I went home, looked online at my bank account, transfered some money and went back to the bank. I then got money and called mom on my way downtown. I talked to her about all the money stuff and then ended up crying about New York and telling her I don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know how I’m going to make it. CDM doesn’t want me, right now it feels like no one wants me. I had a break down because I really have no idea where I’m going to be in a month, but I’m not going to have an apt, I won’t have a job, and I am NOT moving home. I hate crying, but I did it. On the phone with my mom. No better way to make me feel weak. Then when I got off the phone I sent OPH a text that said, “I hate crying.” and he didn’t text me back. My phone rang as soon as it was sent. There he was wanting to know what was wrong. So I told him and almost ended up crying again. Well, I did, but I hid it. I will not cry to him. I won’t. He’s supportive and will just listen and is great. Just like my mom…hehe. So, hopefully this month isn’t full of crying, but it is a possibility. We will see.

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