The oddities that are New York

Yesterday to better say, “screw you England,” my friend Jey had a rooftop party which I told him I would provide a dessert for was I invited.  So, he invited me and I upheld my end of the deal by making my traditional white cake topped by cool whip, blueberries, and strawberries designed to look like an American flag.  I invited a friend who has just moved to the city and decided on a meeting place.  I left my place dressed in jeans, a white tank top, and a red, sort of button down shirt over it.  I thought it was cute until I stepped onto the street where I felt stoopid for wearing my patriotism.  This, however, was topped off by the fact that I was carrying an American flag cake.  I felt like everyone was looking at me, thinking, “freak.”  It was only a 3 block walk to the subway where I felt a little more discrete.  When I sat down on the train, however, just about everyone in the car took notice of the cake and felt the need to point out to whomever they were with that it was an American flag (as if that wasn’t obvious to anyone who’s ever gone to elementary school in this country).  I had my iPod on, so I was able to act like I couldn’t hear these people and that I didn’t feel stupid.  After 1 stop I transferred to another train, where I was subjected to more gawking and giggling of, “that’s cute.”  Again I transferred trains, but this time when the doors opened, there stood Wonder Woman in all her glory.  A transvestite Wonder Woman who was just tickled by my cake.  All I could think was, “please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me” and acted like I couldn’t hear her over my iPod, but I knew she was telling me my cake was fabulous.   I got off the train before her, but as I was exiting she stopped me and told me I looked beautiful, but next time just to wear the liner…but I looked beautiful.

You see, she had the bad light brown sort of curled wig, the gold headband, the jumpsuit, cape, tights and high heeled red with white stripe on the front boots.  On her face she had thick, stage looking base, with very pink blush (but not too much of it) and thick black eyeliner that wasn’t quite at her lashes both above and below her eyes that extended out and curled up to look like a drawn on extension of her lashes.  Ok…I was wearing eye liner, however, I was dressed very casually and was out during the day.  Neither of these things require thick, obvious makeup.  I wanted to stop and give her a lesson every teenage girl learns at some point, but I simply said, “I’m wearing liner” and stepped off the train.  She kept talking as I walked off.

 Anyway, the cake was a hit and I felt like less of a tool once I got to the party as all the other girls were in red, white and blue as well. 

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One response to “The oddities that are New York

  1. Next time compliment her on her Adam’s apple.

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