Mom was laying in her bed, propped up on pillows. Dad was away on business. Mom had breast cancer. She died while he was away. It was a perfect spring day where it’s sunny and breezy and all the windows are open. Steve, the neighbor came over to check on me and I hid in the pantry. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was mad that cancer continued to ravage my family.
I woke up afraid. Afraid because every time one of us has a dream about the family it seems to come true. Mom drempt my cousin was pregnant and when she asked, she said no. She found out a week later she was. I was having dreams about breast exams. The following week I found out my cousin, has breast cancer. Mom felt when her sister went into labor.
At 6am this morning I called my mom and asked her when the last time she went to the Dr. was. I told her about my dream, well…I just told her I had a dream in which she had breast cancer. I hope she’s ok.
*Update* Mom has recently had a mammogram (sp?) that came back clear, but so did my cousin’s, so she made an appointment today to get ultrasounds done. She told the dr’s it’s because I had a dream…I’m sure they’re talking about it right now.
Here is where life gets complicated…Holiday parties, friends, gym, football and work. These are the things I need to balance for the next 2 months.
Monday: Work late; Travel night at Soho House
Tuesday: Awards party; watch Hocus Pocus
Wednesday: Volleyball game; Halloween parties (4 I think) (I’m going to be hot, are you?)
Thursday: Night out with a vendor
Friday: Gym; Bed early? Catch up on this week’s tv?
Saturday: Texas game and BBQ; Girls’ night
Sunday: Errands; clean; football; TV and pizza with the girls
athens: doesn’t [your dad] have a business trip coming up?
lol doesn’t he always have a business trip coming up?
me: haha, yup
I believe he’s going deer hunting soon. He’s also going to Spain soon.
Not sure if he’s going back to Asia before New Years.
Did you know he’s one of 3 people in the world who can do the training he travels to give people?
that’s insane to me. my dad is one of 3 people in the world who is qualified to do something.
athens: that is seriously cool
hahah especially since he just “manages stuff”
me: haha, right!?
For years I’ve asked my dad what he does. It doesn’t really matter to me and I probably wouldn’t ask except people ask me and look at me like I’m retarded when I don’t know the answer. So, over the years I’ve gotten various answers and mostly I get that he “manages stuff.” That’s even the answer I get from his colleagues, but only after they give him an odd look before answering me. I know my dad is a very, very intelligent man, but he didn’t go to college a (which is fine – I’m glad he didn’t or I probably wouldn’t be here) and it amazes me that he’s one of 3 in the whole world.
I’ve been trying to write more lately, but if anyone wondered why I don’t write as frequently anymore, please know that it’s now after 9pm and I am still at work. Since the 15th I have worked 113 hours. That’s 56 hours a week, and there are still 2 more days to go before this 2 week period is up. I average 12 hours a day, so say 12 hours tomorrow and 10 hours Wednesday since it’s a holiday. That’s 67 hours a week. Plus last week I went out with work 2 night and I am going out 4 nights this week with work. If you include that it’s got to take me to about 75 hours a week. Woohoo.
Austin Energy – they are incompetent, can’t bill the correct party and have turned me over to collections for a bill for the apartment I used to live in for dates past when I moved out. They also never had it on record that I called to cancel my service as of the day I moved out. Because it’s not on record they tell me I never called. Bull shit.
Disputing this with them – no one can get the story straight; I have to reexplain what’s going on every time I call and get a different person; no one will put me on the phone with a supervisor; no one will give me their last name.
The collections agency – If I just want to pay the bill and make it go away they charge me a $4 fee (just because they can); they only do check by phone and won’t take debit, so because I don’t have my check book with me at work to handle this they may put it on my credit before I call back tomorrow (they will be closed by the time I get home tonight).
I get pissed off all over again every time I call them to try to resolve this, so I keep putting it off and I know it’s going to end up on my credit.
“I got my warno. I’m leaving the 30th and I get hella busy on the 26th.”
This is the text I received from my brother Friday night. To this I responded, “what is a warno? and the 30th of what??” A day or two before we had been discussing Thanksgiving and how if he ships out before Christmas I will try to come home to see him over Thanksgiving, although plane tickets are ridiculous expensive, so as soon as he knows anything I need to know. This led me to believe he meant Nov. 30, as it pertained to our conversation. I called my parents and they knew nothing, he hadn’t even told them. Mom guessed that the 30th meant October though. I said that was too soon. Saturday she texted him asking the same questions I had. He responded and told her that a warno is a warning of coming orders and that it was indeed November 30th.
Today I started looking for plane tickets. It looks like I can get one leaving here early the day before Thanksgiving (meaning I will have to use my 1 poersonal day) and returning early Saturday morning, for just under $400. To see my brother for the last time [maybe ever] in over a year, I can afford $400.
This means I may get to attend Tash’s bday party, even though I already sent her her present. It also means I will get to see Athens and her new husband. It means, also, that I will have to get brother’s Christmas present before Thanksgiving and that it should probably be something useful over seas. Books? He’ll need entertainment, right?
Tonight I was hanging out at my gfs’ place like I do every Sunday and one of them said something about how one of her friends died in a car accident Friday night and that another is going in to rehab. It felt like she was looking for sympathy and lately I’m just not in a sympathetic mood. Actually, I’m never in a sympathetic mood when it comes to things like that…over half my family is dead. Sorry, to me it’s natural and I’m cold hearted. Anyway, to this I replied…well, my brother is leaving for war next month and my 31 year old cousin whose mom died of ovarian cancer 2 years ago was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She said, oh wow, and that was the end of that. So I’m a bitch.
Anyway, I will be in Houston for 2 days during Thanksgiving. If anyone wants to come hang, let me know!
I want people to know that I enjoyed my life. I want people to know that I was a happy person. I want people to know I smiled and laughed. In today’s society people are so preoccupied with looking young and “flawless.” Well, you know what, I was 15 once, but I no longer am and I don’t wish to be. I know who I am now, I am more secure, I know what I want. I have learned so much, and with that comes the body of the woman I have become. I have curves and scars and wrinkles…and I love them! Maybe not the curves completely, but I try because I know I will never be that same 5’7″ 115 lb. girl I once was. But I welcome the wrinkles and I love them. I will not botox and I will not apply wrinkle cream obsessively. I will smile and laugh and spend time in the sun enjoying my life. If that gives me sun spots and wrinkles, good; I will have enjoyed the life I have lived! I welcome the laugh lines and crows feet, it will show people that I have enjoyed myself and have experiences!