This morning as I was making my way to the exit of the subway during my commute to work I noticed the couple walking right in front of me. I didn’t realize they were a couple as most don’t commute together until she moved her hand over to find his. When she brushed his palm he didn’t clasp his fingers closed. He didn’t move them until she let her thumb rest on his fingers for a minute; then he half heartedly tightened his fingers so that they were very loosely closed.
This observation made me feel bad for her. It made me remember my past. It made me think of the girl who would do anything for the guy she loves, and he will simply let her. And that’s all. To me her reach for his hand was a reach for unreturned affection and approval. It made me think of all the women, all the teenage girls who are reaching out to a man for love and affection and going to bed at night not feeling like they’re good enough because the men are simply happy with easy, rather than getting out of something they’re unhappy with. It made me think of let downs and disappointment and how that all feels. I will never be that girl again. I can’t be.