So my most serious, long term, very EX boyfriend is coming up to visit, but he is not coming up to visit me. He is coming to New York to visit his sort-of-a-fling, she’s-fun-to-have-around, I-don’t-think-I-really-like-her, and I-don’t-want-to-date-her-when-I-move-across-the-country-in-a-few-months girlfriend’s dad who lives across the river. Now, let me start off by saying we broke up. We broke up almost 5 years ago. He tried to get back with me and I wouldn’t have it. We broke up for reasons, many of them, that were solid and sound and legitimate. We will not date again and I think of him quite platonically at this point in my life. In fact, sometimes he annoys the crap out of me. I do not want to date him, and as far as I know, he no longer wants to date me. I would not hook up with him. I am a grown ass woman and I can be trusted to be in a crowded restaurant “alone” with my oh-so-ex-boyfriend.

So he called this last weekend to tell me he was coming here. I got all excited and we talked about when and where he would stay and what he wanted to do any why, etc. With that conversation came a, “well, here’s the thing.” So his new girl he doesn’t want to get serious about got him the plane ticket as his Christmas present…and he’s coming here to meet her Dad. He said he wasn’t sure she’s be ok with him seeing me. *gasp!* Are you kidding me?! We dated 5 years ago. Clearly it has ended and has remained ended. So the more we spoke the more he said he didn’t think she would “allow” him to see me. I’m astonished…allow?!? How can he allow this girl to keep him from seeing me. You come to where I live and don’t see me because a girl you’re not sure how you feel about is insecure and slightly jealous?!

If my current boyfriend had a problem with me meeting a long past ex-boyfriend for a drink or some food I’d tell him to get some confidence and walk out the door. Clearly we are broken up and the reasons were good enough to keep us apart for the last 5 years. All of the sudden that’s just supposed to change because we’re now in another city, so we can’t see each other? How super lame is that?!? Plus, consider this. Right now I live in New York. He lives in random Texas city. Not convenient for an affair. In March he will be moving to random as-far-away-as-you-can-imagine-in-the-continental-US city, definitely not conducive to an affair. I think this entire situation is ludicrous. There are a few things that need to be done here: 1) she needs to get secure in herself and in their relationship, 2) he needs to buck up and end it as he’s told me he plans to so that he doesn’t continue to mess with her feelings and screw up her psyche, or 3) he needs to decide to be fully in the relationship with her and rather than walking on egg-shells to keep her happy, he can provide her security in the relationship so that she is comfortable when he says, “I am going to go visit with my ex for a while.”

This coming to my city and not being allowed to see me bit is absolutely not ok with me.


2 responses to “Adam

  1. I still don’t understand why he called you to tell you that he’s coming to NYC but he can’t see you. If that’s the case, then why did he even tell you. I think he’s being stupid about this whole thing. Why is he meeting this chick’s dad if he’s going to ditch her in a few months?

  2. He said he wanted to tell me on the off chance that he’d run into me on the street because he thinks it would be worse if I found out he was here and he didn’t tell me.

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