My roommate is a fricking cave man.  When I moved into my apartment you couldn’t tell the bathrub had been white.  I don’t think he knows what bleach/clorox is and he DEFINITELY does not know how to clean or do dishes.  He likes the apartment hot and dark and because he has the windows in his room he can close the shades completely at his will.  The way he washes dishes is to put his used, dirty dish in the sink, squirt soap on it, and then run the hot water on that until all the soap is gone.  After that he shakes the water off and puts it back in the cupboard.  Needless to say, I wash every dish before I use it.  At one point we had rugs in our bathroom, but he peed on them and left it.  After almost a week I couldn’t stand the smell, so I put them in a plastic bag and left them on his bed to be cleaned.  I have not seen them since.  I got in the shower one day to find a bloody squished mosquito on the wall.  After finally 4 days I asked him to clean it off.  The same thing happened with tuna.  One day I guess he was having it for dinner and spilled it on the counter.  He left it there until I asked him to clean it up.  I came home one day to find him sitting in the kitchen eating some soup with bread and butter.  He was digging in the butter with a fork and slathering it on the break…it was my butter.  Another day I was sitting in the kitchen and he came home, opened the refrigerator and grabbed my wate bottle I keep in there.  I told him it was mine and he was like, oh well I have one in there too.  I looked and told him there wasn’t another so he said, well, I’ve been drinking out of this one.  He came home drunk late one night and fell on my full length mirror and broke it, but didn’t say anything to me about it.  He didn’t know I woke up I guess and just thought I’d wonder what happened to my mirror.  I finally asked him to buy a new one and he was like, oh, I did that?  So rather than buy a new one (because he’s so disgustingly cheap) he took the hooks out of it (the broken part was it pulled a hook out of the back and it wouldn’t hang anymore) and taped them to the other end.  It now hangs, but is crooked.  When I moved in, because of the shower, I instituted a cleaning schedule and because I never made directions or a list of what needs to be cleaned, when it is his weekend he sweeps.  One weekend I asked him to clean the bathtub, so he wiped it down with napkins.  He’s recently taken to emailing me to ask me to take out the trash.  I am home maybe 3 days a week.

This weekend was my weekend to clean and I thought that since this is my last week in the apartment that what the hell, I’d clean like he does.  Sweep and blew off the counter tops.  (I also cleaned the mirror and tv, which I’m sure he didn’t notice).  I just got this email from him:

“I went ahead and took out the trash but just a reminder that it was your weekend to clean but I don’t think you did.  :) ”

I do not intend to clean any better than that, he doesn’t and I’m moving out.  On top of that, does he want a cookie for taking out the trash?  It was 95% his!  Also, learn some grammar…and is that smiley face his attempt at making his email friendly?!  I mean, honestly?!  Sometimes my roommate’s existance really makes me ask, “wtf?!”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s