Monthly Archives: February 2006

Free Time

I just turned in my key to the office and received a $300 check in return. $300 to get me through my trip to New York, Boston, and the rest of the month. I need to find a new job. I didn’t choose to leave the one I was at, although it sucked the life out of me. I hated it and wanted to leave, but I had entered into an agreement with my boss. It was a year long internship; August to August. Apparently not according to him anymore. He started getting more business than he had before and began looking for another girl to hire to help his assistant, Amy. I knew this, no big deal. He offered her the job, she accepted the offer. She was supposed to start March 1st and that was moved up to today. Thursday, after I had been out sick for 3 days he called me and told me he’d hired a new girl (like I didn’t know that already) and that she’d be taking over my computer and desk (or workstation as he referred to it) and he wasn’t sure if he’d have a place or much work for me.

So basically, he was hiring this girl…that I knew…and she’s replacing me? Why did he not tell me that more than 2 business days before she started?!? So he leaves me with 2 days notice to find something else. Thanks dick head! Why did he not let me in on this when he started looking? He had to have known.

I seriously think there are so many things that man does not think through. He doesn’t seem to consider many other people when he is doing something. I was always a little uncomfortable around him. He was always micromanaging me and he was so condescending so many times. He would go to my computer before I came to work and open my email so that I could see what he’d sent me to do that day…like I didn’t come in and check that on my own. I don’t mind not working there, don’t get me wrong. I do, however, mind not working. I’m just so frustrated about the way he did things. For as professional as he is, I feel like he didn’t handle it very professionally…but I think a lot of that might be because he doesn’t view me as a professional. Who knows. Yet again, here I find myself stuck in another, “Who does that?!?” situation. How do I always seem to find myself in these positions? Urg!

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I am going to be single FOREVER!

church guy: hey, how are you doing?
me: I’m getting better, I’ve been sick all week.
church guy: I was sick a little this week.
me: that’s no good.
church guy: yeah, I had a sick girlfriend all week. She wasn’t very happy.
*minimal more small talk while turning away from each other*

What the f—?!? A mother freaking girlfriend?!? Are you kidding me? Who acts all into you and asks you questions and acts liek they want to get to know you and smiles at you and eye flirts with you and approaches you after church when they have a freaking girlfriend??? I seriously got in my car, sat down and proceeded to talk to myself. “He has a freaking girlfriend? Are you kidding me? A mother freaking girlfriend. What the hell??” Grrr, I’m seriously irritated.

Life Goals

-live alone before I get married (check)
-run a marathon
-get a great dane
-go to Australia and New Zealand
-work in New York City

Why I am the way that I am

I don’t feel like I write enough on here about anything that’s really worth anything to anyone.  I’m sure by what I write I pretty much sound petty and boy crazy.  Well, for those of you who know me, you can make that decision on your own.  Today when I was walking back to my internship from class, however, I decided that it’s high time I write about something that matters…something meaningful (to me).  I’m going to start with my family(ish). 

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and telling her about a friend of mine who recently went to a funeral and what the circumstances of the situation (which is awful) were.  She said no one close to her had ever died.  In a way that makes me sad for her because she hasn’t fully experienced all that is to come in life, and if you don’t experience death I think it can be harder to accept when it finally does happen, if that makes sense.  On the other hand, it made me sad for me and for my family because grief and loss have been such a part of my life.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to be this age and never have been to a funeral.  That concept is so foreign to me.  What it must be like for all of your family to be alive.  But then again, if all my family were alive, I don’t think I would cherish them like I do. 

Before I moved to Texas (so before I was 13) I had been to 2 funerals.  My cousin died when he was about 6 months old because his heart just quit.  They called it SIDS but then decided it wasn’t.  The next death I experienced was my mom’s brother.  He had an aneurism the night the OJ Simpson chase was on tv.  I remember standing in the kitchen with my parents, my dad’s youngest brother and his then girlfriend (now wife), and my dad’s younger brother, Scott, who was in town visiting.  Someone from my mom’s family, I’m not sure who, called and Mom and Dad were off to the hospital, 2 hours away to where he had been airlifted.  I assume they kept him on life supports until the family all got there and said a rosary (that’s what we always do).  We were left with Uncle Scott for the night. 

In August of 1995, my family packed up and moved to Houston.  3 days, driven across the country.  Let me tell you, you get to know your family really well on road trips.  In October, Nana and Papa (mom’s parents) were visiting when one of my aunts called.  I answered the phone and they asked to talk to Papa.  You can just hear in someone’s voice when something is wrong.  That was the call we got telling us that my mom’s youngest brother and my 5 year old cousin had been in a car accident late the night before and found early that morning.  My cousin had died on impact, my uncle was in the hospital on life support.  They suspected he’d been drunk that night.  We forced Papa onto a plane (he refuses to fly), packed up the car, and headed to Michigan.  They kept my uncle on life support until we got there.  Joint funeral. 

When I was in eight grade, I don’t remember the call, my dad’s brother, Scott, and his father in law, crashed the small plane that they flew regularly into a lake.  It was a big deal, national news.  It was really, really hard on my Dad’s family, because unlike my mom’s family, everyone (except my baby cousin) in that family lives to be old.  Again, joint funeral. 

The summer after my freshman year of high school Dad was living in Germany and we went to visit him.  We spent 3 weeks traveling Germany.  When we got back mom pestered and pestered me to unpack my suitcase.  After about a week, I finally did.  She would call me around lunch time every day and ask me if I had unpacked it.  That day when she asked I was annoyed and told her not to ask because I had done it.  Her response to that was, well, pack it again, we have to go to Michigan.  My mom’s oldest living sister (her oldest died from complications of diabetes when my mom was a teenager) had slipped into a diabetic coma and was on life support.  My family was waiting for mom to get there before they took her off.  We packed and were on a plane to Bay City, Michigan that afternoon.  That was difficult. 

I don’t think anyone died my junior year and I remember it being odd, like something wasn’t right.  Then, senior year, again, no family members died.  It was weird to me when I had come to expect a funeral almost every year.  Although no on in my family died, a boy who I knew, remotely, from school was killed in a car accident and I knew the boy who was driving well enough.  It happened late on a Thursday and we all found out on a Friday.  I have never experienced a more surreal day in my life.  The school was almost eerie.  No one laughed, no one joked, almost everyone knew him.  Everyone cried.  Some of my good friends were the ones most affected.  Later that year, a boy I worked with was thrown from a car and killed.  4 days before his death we were talking about religion and why I go to church.  I asked him, “what if you die tomorrow?”  He said he didn’t have to worry about that and he would take care of religion when he was older.  I will never ask anyone that question ever again. 

Freshman year of college, no one died.  It was weird.  I can remember it actually worrying me a little.  3 years and no one in my family had died.  I was worried whatever happened when it did was going to be really bad.  Then, Christmas break of sophomore year, a guy I had been good friends with in high school through band and church fell asleep driving.  His car crossed into oncoming traffic and hit a semi.  It burned and he died.  I had seen him on campus 3 days before, walking to class.  He was far away and I thought to say hi, but didn’t because I figured I would just see him at home over break.  I never saw him again.  I regret that all the time.  I’ve never been to a more crowded funeral, ever.  It was so tragic. 

Junior year, I had started to accept that maybe my family wouldn’t all die premature deaths.  No funerals for me.  Then, fall of my senior year of college, my great grandma (my dad’s grandma) who was 91, unexpectedly died.  Finally, someone in my family had died of old age.  It was sad, but nothing like the others.  This was ok.  She was old and happy and healthy and had lived her life.  It was just her time.  It was also the middle of the semester and I couldn’t/didn’t go home.  I regret that too.  I didn’t get to go to her funeral; I didn’t get to mourn with my family.  I didn’t get to sit around and talk about everyone’s memories of her or hear all the stories about what an amazing woman she was.  She was the stronghold of our family.  I wish I had been there. 

This year, I was confronted with the hardest death in my family I have had to deal with.  My Mom’s last living sister, her best friend, who had been sick with ovarian cancer on and off for 11 years died (update: more than 6 years after this was written,I have been corrected that she battled cancer for 6 years, not 11. I must have been misinformed somewhere along the way).  She’d been told 2 years before that she had 6 months.  She beat that.  Mom called me early on a Sunday morning, noticeably upset and told me they had given my aunt 48 hours.  She lived for another 7 days.  Mom immediately left to go be with her.  She was her best friend.  She kept me updated every day.  This time, I didn’t care what was going on in school; I was going to be there.  Mom stayed with my aunt in the hospital and then when she decided she wanted to go home and have her final time there, with her family and the hospital said they didn’t know if they could do that, mom was the one who made it possible for her to go home.  I can’t imagine watching your sister die exactly the same way as you had watched your mom die.  She was with her the night she died, at home, just as she was going to bed.  She was in bed, mom asked her if she was ok, she said yes, took a breath, turned her head and that was it.  My uncle, my mom, and my cousin were there with her, holding her.  I can’t imagine being them; it’s so hard for me even now.  It’s making me cry and it has been 3 months.  The funeral was so hard.  I think the hardest part is that my mom is the only girl left now and it’s like it’s her turn.  

I hope it’s a long, long time before I have to go to another funeral.  If you’ve never been, be glad, but I hope that you can appreciate your family the way I appreciate mine.  They’re all you’ve got and that can change in a second.  Cherish them, and love them…even their faults and shortcomings.

Teachers

Why is it that the people who are most essential to improving or sustaining the level at which our society stands are so under paid? Think about it. Every child is required to go to school. If they don’t go, their parents can get into trouble. School is the place where we learn trivia, facts, about ourselves, social skills, sports, music, and so many other things. Of course we all have the ability to learn about these things aside from school, but some never have the opportunity. Most people are in school for anywhere between the first 13 to the first 25 years of their life. Toward the end of some people’s school career, they decide it is a place they would enjoy being for the rest of their lives; a place where they can teach and impact other people who will some day effect society and perhaps change it. They go to college to learn to teach and that is what they spend their working years doing. Teaching the future generation(s) of our country/world.

The average starting salary of a teacher is $30,719 and the average teacher pay is $46,957. How many people on average will make $47,000 at the job they will have for most of their life? How many people will be happy with that? Isn’t that a salary most college graduates hope to start at? When you are 45 and have been in your business for 20 years will you think $45,000 is sufficient compensation for the job you are doing? Doctors are very valuable to society and their pay reflects that. What about actors, musicians (i.e. Kanye West), athletes? Are they as important to society as teachers? They are disappointed when they make $1 million a year, right? What about the actors who make $20 million a movie? Is that really that much more important than our teachers??

Most of this country’s brightest people want to make good money or get famous or have recognition. Those are not things you can accomplish (in most normal situations) as a teacher. Shouldn’t that be a social responsibility we have to increase teachers’ pay/benefits so that it is something more people want to do? At this point, so many promising people choose to do other things because it has a more appeal to them. Of the people who become teachers, many of them hate their jobs and end up bitter and angry. When you are bitter, angry, and dealing with children, what good can come of that? These teachers are left teaching below the level of their ability. They are boring or mean or unwilling to reexplain things to children who don’t understand something. I’m even willing to bet that these attitudes are why some children are coined “bad” when they are not at all. Teachers need to be appreciated, thanked, acknowledged, and paid more!

I just don’t understand how things work sometimes. Teachers are so important and so under appreciated. They are not treated well by a lot of people and they are certainly not paid accordingly for a job they do that we all depend on. If teachers didn’t do their job, who would? Could you?

Friendly support

My away message: I want a milkshake…anyone want to help me since I’m immobile? {in bed sick/dying}
A friend’s message to me: If I was there, not only would you have a milkshake, you’d have a foot massage, fresh sheets, gatorade, and maybe a couple rented movies to speed your recovery. Get better soon Mel.

Aww, how nice! That sounds perfect.

2006 Winter Olympics

I am addicted. Completely addicted. I am sitting in bed right now (still) watching the women’s figure skating short programs. The Olympics draw me in. I watch things I would not normally watch. Biathlon for example. I love figure skating though…always have. I am so excited that the women are finally on. I’ve already read articles online today about who’s in what place after this program. That’s one thing about the Olympics being so far away…you can find out what happens before it’s on tv. Oh well, I will still watch for the grace and elegance and beauty.

I don’t know what it is that draws me to the Olympics. Maybe it’s that the world’s best athletes are in competition. Maybe it’s that I get to see sports that aren’t normally available to watch. Maybe it’s the feeling of loyalty to my country and my inherent need to support my country. Who knows, maybe I just have nothing better to do. Either way, I have been glued to my tv and I have really enjoyed myself.