Self Indulgent

I just got back to my room from getting a pedicure. All I have to say about that is heaven. It was amazing. One of the best I’ve had. My feet looked gross and I hadn’t had one in a month so I found a place to get it done. I walked past a few places some of my friends have gone to and found this little place about a block up the road. So glad I did. She massagesd my legs (they always do – but this one was amazing!) with an exfoliating lotion and then regular lotion, was super nice, and then when my toes were drying she massages my back and arms. I’m going there again. This was all for $26!! Love it.

While I was sitting there in the chair I was being a girl and thinking about this fantasy I’ve always had. For as long as I can remember I have wanted the man I marry to send me to the spa the day he’s going to propose to me (mani/pedi/facial/massage) and then when I get home have a new dress and shoes on my bed for me to wear to the dinner he takes me to that night. The rest he can plan. Hah. I know it’ll never happen that way and that’s what I was thinking about. I mean, it’s not like a casual conversation you can have and be like…this is what I’ve always wanted. Therefore, I have revamped my fantasy. Now I just want this man that I marry to send me to a spa as a gift of some sort. For my birthday, maybe on Valentine’s Day before he takes me out, for a big anniversary, as my wedding present, whatever. That might be the only fantasy I’ve ever had. Haha. Sad?

Dead Guy – Not the beer

So yesterday I was on my way to work like any other day, minding my own business when I came out of Grand Central and there were firemen and a group of people standing on the sidewalk outside of the Marriott. There was an old man laying, stretched out, on the sidewalk. He looked homeless. A couple of the firemen were trying to wake him. He looked so peaceful. He didn’t move at all while I was walking past and he wasn’t exactly laying in a position that would be all that comfortable to sleep in. I’m assuming that if the emergency crews had already been called, people had tried to wake him prior to their arrival. He was obviously still not awake. I don’t think their lightly shaking him was going to do anything, maybe that’s just me. So, yesterday on my walk to work, I may have seen a dead guy. Crazy.

Weight Issues

Ok, so I just got back from the gym. I don’t feel like working out does anything for me. I seriously, honestly wish I had the will power to not eat. Everyone in this city is stick thin and I walk everywhere, but it doesn’t make a difference. I’m pretty sure my jeans aren’t getting any smaller, but they sure are getting tighter. There is too much to eat here. Food seems to consume my social life. I wish it didn’t. It’s expensive and it contributes to my butt. Sure, I get a lot of compliments on it and people tell me it’s nice, that they like it, that they wish they had a butt, etc, but it’s bigger than everyone I know. I don’t want it. They can all have it. I wish I could be that size 2, be porportionate, and go on my merry way. No matter how much I work out it doesn’t go away. I’ve become very conscious of it lately and not in a good way. I want to be one of those skinny girls. Some people don’t like it, they say they’d rather have a girl with “a little meat on her” and that’s fine, but I’d still rather be that skinny girl. I want to not eat.

Texas Friends

OTHER FRIENDS: Never ask for food
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

OTHER FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.

OTHER FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn…we fucked up…but that shit was fun!”

OTHER FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

OTHER FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”

OTHER FRIENDS: Are for a while.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

OTHER FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “Bitch, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste!!”

OTHER FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

Walnuts

Well, according to my allergist I am allergic t owalnuts, among other things. I don’t believe it. Prove it to me. I don’t know that I’d ever had a walnut before I was told I am allergic to them. Then I got curious. I always made sure I wasn’t at home alone or anything stupid, but I started trying to eat walnuts on things. Salads especially. I actually had them on my salad Monday and again today. Nothing. No rash, no hives, no scratch throat, no itchiness, no upset stomach. Nothing. I think my allergist is wrong, that or those allergy shots are really working. I don’t, however, think allergy shots can cure a food allergy…otherwise my brother would be able to eat fruits and vegetables.

The theory of a friend

The man should always love the woman more than she loves him. I’m not quite sure what to think about this, but she has a point I guess. She says if it’s like that there are less likely to be problems with cheating, but I figure a cheater is a cheater no matter how much they love or don’t love someone. She says for a man, cheating can be purely physical whereas with a woman, relationships of any type involve emotions (and she is right about that last part). I just don’t know though that a man hould love a woman more. Can’t it be equal? And why go into things pessimistically and assume someone is going to cheat? It’s nice for the woman when a man loves her “more” I guess because then he dotes on her, but really?

Opinions?

I like the idea simply because it means I’m less likely to be left. “A wise girl kisses, but doesn’t love; listens, but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

The weekend

Aarti got here Thursday night. We went and got some dinner, went back to my place, hung out and went to sleep.

Friday I got up and went to work until about 1 when I met up with Aarti who’d walked the 50 blocks from my place to my office. Crazy girl. We then went to Grand Central, home so I could change and then to the financial district so she could see ground zero. I then took her by the Wall St. bull (she didn’t know what it was). Then we went back to my place, got ready for dinner and went to Churrascaria Plataforma. So. Good! From there we went back to my place, got the other girls and went out to Lotus where we met up with Bobby. He got us in (no cover), we weren’t there long, then we went to Home. I paid for the cab and then we had to run through the rain for 4 blocks. Again, no cover, free bottle at the table. Not so fun. When we decided to leave to go meet someone else (we didn’t tell him that part) he gave me a serious guilt trip and made me feel really bad, it was ridiculous. Anyway, we went to Underbar, met up with Pete and his roommate. We didn’t have cash, so we made a deal that they’d pay for our cab when we got there and we’d buy them drinks. They didn’t let us. Then, we were going to go to McDonalds to get some food for the girls. It started pouring! I got under a revolving door where I was shortly joined by everyone else. Big enough for 2, not 6. The guys got soaked. We were going to take the subway home, but they didn’t want us to walk there in the rain so they got us a cab, dropped $20 in my lap, said to call when we got home, and shut the door. There are nice guys in this city! When we got home the girls went to get food. I went to sleep.

Saturday we slept until about 1, got up, showered, headed to Times Square to find an Irish Pub in which to watch the soccer game. Pig ‘n Whistle. I’d been there before. Food was alright. Service was TERRIBLE. Awful! We were there until about 8:30. Aarti and I went home, changed, went and met Megan (Aarti’s cousin) at Geisha for sushi. So. Good! Love sushi! From there we went back to my place, got ready to go out, got the girls (who were at BJ’s), went to Embassy to meet up with Bobby again. He told me to call him when we were on the way. I sent him a text. Nothing. Sent him another when we got there. Nothing. I wasn’t going to wait in line and pay cover, so we waited outside for him for about 15 minutes, got sick of it and caught a cab to Union Square where Pete was going with some friends and met them at Coffee Shop Bar. As soon as we got there, guess who called. I didn’t answer. Between the guilt trip the night before and the flakeyness, I was fed up. Haven’t talked to him since. I’m pretty sure we probably won’t talk again. Oh well. No skin off my back. We stayed at CSB until 4:30 and then came home.

Yesterday I definitely didn’t wake up until 12. Church was at 11:15. Oops. I hopped in the shower and waited to hear from Aarti. About 2 she came and got her things and we went back to Megan’s place. From there we went to Soho to go watch the Netherlands soccer game. Pete and his roommate met us for food and the game. The place we watched it at wasn’t quite what we were expecting, but there was a tv and the game was on. We walked around Soho after. So fun. I love it down there. About 6 we were all going our separate ways and Pete invited me over to his place, so I went and we watched a movie. It was nice. That was my weekend. Good times. Friday night in the rain was probably the best.

Uncle Jeff

I emailed my uncle last weekend because I would like nothing more than to keep in touch with him since my aunt died. He had been busy all week and I just received a reply from him. Just an email from him made my cry. I miss my family, I miss my aunt, I am sad that I will never get to see her at a party again, I am sad for what they went through, but mostly I love my family, the connections we have, the good words that are shared, the support I receive no matter what I do, the love, and my experiences. My family is full of good people and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

After work drinks

Tonight I went and met a professor of mine who is in the city for drinks. I was nervous about it and thought it would be really awkward. It was. Until drink 2. We talked about a lot and I really enjoyed it actually. We had some good conversation about me, about him, about school, about relationships, about advertising, about work and maybe some other things. He told me that I’m more tough than a lot of the girls he sees through the program and he can tell that I want it. He gave me suggestions for the project that I’m working on and told me that I just need to work hard. It’s true. He said he thinks I will be successful in advertising…but will I be successful in other aspects of my life? Will I be a successful daughter, best friend, girlfriend/love, sister…? It’s wierd, what he asked me goes along with what I was thinking earlier this week. Sure, I could stay at the office until all hours of the night, but would that leave me happy in the end? He told me that when I find the person who makes me happy and who, when I am around them, allows me to be who I want to be…not who I am, not how I should be, but the way I want to be…not to let that person go. He said that advertising has ruined his health and many marriages and not to let it do that to me. It was good. I enjoyed our talk. Odd.

So back to what I was thinking earlier this week…I’m not sure I like who I’m becomming, but I don’t know how to become anything else. I want to be successful, I want to accomplish things, I want to have goals and reach them, I want to prove that I can do all these things, but is it worth everything else I might be missing out on and passing up? Is this really who I want to become? Is it worth it?

Validation

So I’ve recently had a conversation with a friend that might have been a long time coming, who knows. It may have been provoked by my drunk texting, no idea. We’re friends who like each other and live in different cities. I’ve liked him for a long time and the other night (don’t remember why, but…) he asked me what I think of long distance relationships. Always thought he knew I liked him. I still think he did. He had to. I also thought it was understood by both of us that we don’t want to do long distance. You know what though, that changes when you think someone is worth it. Well, it does for me anyway. I’m willing to try long distance with a guy if I see the potential for something really good to come of it. You’ll never know if you don’t try and I don’t want to be forever saying, “what if…” If we try something and it doesn’t work, well, then it didn’t work and I don’t see why we can’t continue a friendship. We will have just realized that it wasn’t meant to be that way. We will see what happens. For now we’re just trying to communicate better.

He makes me smile and I enjoy talking to him. He’s a good guy. An intelligent guy who makes me think and want to be more learned. He challenges me without knowing it. I am comfortable with him. He makes me feel good about myself and I’m completely comfortable falling asleep next to him. I know he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me (even if he didn’t like me). I like that I can sit with him, drink wine, listen to music and not have to talk. That’s all I have for now, and it’s more into my feelings that I normally indulge, so I hope it’s enough.