I had a dream this morning that my dad had died while I was at work. I didn’t live in New York…I’m not sure where I lived. Somewhere smaller. And I was a teacher. Someone called me at work to tell me that my dad had died. For whatever reason it wasn’t my mom, which made me mad at her for not telling me, understandably. I was so upset at the thought that I would never get to talk to him again, never ask his advice or hear how he would do something. I rushed home and when I got there, he wasn’t there, but I called his cell phone to see where he was. He actually answered and told me he had died. I started crying and told him how upset I was. He told me that Aunt Kay was having a really hard time with it too. I just remember being on the phone, listening to him talking and never wanting to hang up. When we hung up I woke up and was crying. I can’t imagine life without being able to call my dad. It still really bothers me every time I think about it; I got all teary on the walk to work.
Yesterday morning I woke up abruptly, but it took me a minute to realize I was in bed and all the feelings I was having weren’t real. . .
I was in Jersey at a party for some friends who were about to get married. Tony C from elementary school was in town visiting and we were all having a good time drinking and hanging out at someone’s house in Jersey. Mom and Dad had also come up for the weekend to visit me. We decided to walk over to the Hudson to look at the New York skyline at night. As I walked up there were a few people on the boardwalk along the water, but Tony and the girl who were with us hadn’t come with me. I looked up and saw a 747 coming from NY toward Jersey, obviously just beginning its cross country flight. Next thing I knew it exploded and came down not far behind me. About 30 seconds later, while I was still very much in shock, a second 747 exploded in about the same place and also crash landed not very far behind me. At this point I was scared. After about another 30 seconds a third 747 came crashing just barely over the buildings that were surrounding me. It had not exploded outwardly, but was clearly just as disabled as the first two firey planes. At this point my parents arrived to watch what was happening with me. A band of police officers also arrive to take notes on the situatioin as there seemed to be nothing else they could do. All air traffic was stopped, but rather than being grounded the planes were stopped where they were. Next thing I knew there were 10 or 11 747s hovering about 100 feet above the Hudson river. They weren’t allowed to fly any further until authorities could figure out what was happening, although we all clearly knew it was another terrorist attack. After a couple minutes the planes that were hovering in front of us began to explode, one after the next, starting from the north. One would explode and fall into the river, and then another until there were no more planes, just firey metal floating on the river.
My parents were supposed to leave the next day and return to Houston. I turned around to them and while sobbing told them they were not going anywhere for a few more days. My Dad tried to comfort me and tell me they wouldn’t leave until Wednesday, but even the thought of them on a plane upset me.
I was napping on a leather couch in a big lake house with wood panneling on the walls. I woke up with bad cramps. When I looked down I realized I was 9 months pregnant and that it wasn’t cramps, but labor pains. I freaked out a little because I had no idea who the father was. My doctors heard me, so they came in to calm me down. Lindsay Lohan and Diane Keeton. The weird thing is, in my dream that wasn’t weird.
The other night I told Gail about this dream and she told me it means something big is coming in my life. So, when guys have big things coming in their lives do they ever dream that they are pregnant? Typically dreaming that would scare me, because when someone in our family has a dream that someone is pregnant, that person normally is…but I know it’s not possible that I am…so I wonder if the dream meant anything at all.
Mom was laying in her bed, propped up on pillows. Dad was away on business. Mom had breast cancer. She died while he was away. It was a perfect spring day where it’s sunny and breezy and all the windows are open. Steve, the neighbor came over to check on me and I hid in the pantry. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was mad that cancer continued to ravage my family.
I woke up afraid. Afraid because every time one of us has a dream about the family it seems to come true. Mom drempt my cousin was pregnant and when she asked, she said no. She found out a week later she was. I was having dreams about breast exams. The following week I found out my cousin, has breast cancer. Mom felt when her sister went into labor.
At 6am this morning I called my mom and asked her when the last time she went to the Dr. was. I told her about my dream, well…I just told her I had a dream in which she had breast cancer. I hope she’s ok.
*Update* Mom has recently had a mammogram (sp?) that came back clear, but so did my cousin’s, so she made an appointment today to get ultrasounds done. She told the dr’s it’s because I had a dream…I’m sure they’re talking about it right now.
I needed paper towels to windex something, so I rode my bike to P’s house. I hadn’t seen him in a week. I got there and there was almost no furniture in his apt. It looked like he was moving out. There was a girl sitting on an exercise ballwatching tv. I said something to her when she looked at me wanting to know what I was doing thereand she said he wasn’t there. She knew who I was. I could hear people talking and having a good time in the bedroom and then he got up off the couch. He was wearing a teal bra and some sweatpants. I looked at him funny for the bra and he made up a stupid reason for why he was wearing it. He told me he didn’t have any, then another girl came out of his room, she knew who I was too and looked at the other girl like “what is she going here?” I said I had to go and instead of taking the bike I’d ridden back to where I lived I ran. When I did I made my way through that same neighborhood and every block had a gang of kids on it who’d beat you up and not let you pass. I got scared and went the long way home. Mom and dad had been traveling, and I was really nervous about them flying. When I got there mom and dad were home, safely and I was relieved. I picked on mom like I do when I’m frustrated with her because I know it can make her feel the same way I was feeling. I said I was going to go to bed and made my way to the stairs. On the way I had to pass through the livingroom where Nana and Aunt Brenda were. It was a sunken livingroom and Aunt Brenda was sitting on the floor. She had her head resting back on the step behind her. We looked at each other and smiled. I was so happy to see her. Nana said she was doing better, she couldn’t feel any pain. She then told me she wasn’t feeling any pain, wasn’t that great?
I didn’t make it any further in the dream. I woke up and cried.
I think it all started with Shannon, but I can’t remember any of those details. Jen and I were at dinner at Olive Garden, but it didn’t look like one. We were just catching up and being friends. We sat down and a girl she knew who’d gotten married that day sat with her new husband not far away. Turns out she had just married Dalla, who I worked with at the Cheesecake Factory. I said, I can remember when he was single…a year ago. We both said it was weird. Then she told me that she’s a really nice person no matter who you are. Then I realized Michael Czapski and Laura, his wife, were sitting at a table near us. They both had Aldo purses they owned but were looking at. Then the girl saw us and came to talk to us. She was so pretty. She knew who I was. I’d never heard of her before that night. She was still wearing the top part of her wedding dress and black pants. They were leaving for their honeymoon after dinner. After a little small talk she went back to Dalla. Jen wanted more ice for her tea and the waiter wasn’t coming by, so we went to get it ourselves (I used to work there). We went to the little drink area and Jan got right on the 2 story tall latter that you had to climb to get to the drinks. She got to what she wanted and fell to this cabinet thing where she couldn’t keep her balance and fell to the floor. The waiter who was there didn’t even turn and look at her. I said, “she just fell a whole story and you don’t even ask her is she’s ok?” I don’t remember his response, but then he walked off. I opened the freezer door of the refrigerater to get her a plastic cup full of ice for her tea and back to the table we went.
Adrian and another girl and I were going to a dance. Adrian was wearing jeans, and a grey tshirt. We were walking in and Hank walked in right in front of us. Just skipped the line with some other guy. We walked in and walked right past them. He’d never met me, so I hoped he didn’t know who I was. We walked to some area and stopped to dance. This is when I realized Adrian had a line of blood across his back. I said something and the other girl said, you should see the front of him. I said something and he turned around and the front of his shirt was like drenched in the same line form. He said Hank stabbed him when we walked in. I about freaked out and told him he had to get to the hospital. He said he was fine. He was not. We left.
I was supporting myself by waiting tables again. I don’t know where I was working. My family came in and sat in my section: my parents, my brother, Uncle Jack, Aunt Sharon, Johnny, Brian and Danny. Sometimes Uncle Scott, Aunt Mizi, Chris and Sean were there too. Sometimes. So I guess I was sick and not feeling well that day. They got awful service and it took them a good hour to get their food. They were pissed. At one point I got over the the table with the refills of some of their drinks and they were almost all standing. Not a good thing. It was really frustrating for me because I was super busy and I was doing the best I could, but I knew it was bad. My Dad, of all people, started telling me they should get their meal for free. I argued with him and actually started crying because I was so upset that I did such an awful job with my family. The whole time I felt like Uncle Jack and Aunt Sharon weren’t all that let down because they don’t think I’m good at much anyway (which is sort of a reflection of real life). If you’ve ever been a server it was that feeling where you know you’ve done a bad job and you know things are your fault…times 5. I took FOREVER getting anything they asked for, especially drinks, but it wasn’t that I took my time…everything I did just took a long time. Not a good feeling.