Roommate takes pic of tbf and me.
me: I look fat!
tbf: you can crop that.
Roommate takes pic of tbf and me.
me: I look fat!
tbf: you can crop that.
Mike, this is not an opportunity for you to mention anything involving someone with the initials CG. You did not always know it.
With that said, last Friday was my first summer Friday. Regardless, I got up at 6am like any other day. this case though I did not put on my tennis shoes and call my bf to make sure he was on his way to the gym. Instead I put on a pair of jeans and some sandals and made my way up to Rockefeller Center. I know a producer at the Today Show and he hooked me up with tickets to the Chris Brown concert.
See, for whatever reason I have this irrational, not ok, totally pedophile crush on Chris Brown. So I got tickets and went to the show. Didn’t have to wait in line or anything! Thing about public concerts though is the screaming “tweens.” There was this tiny girl who decided to wedge herself in between me and the girl in front of me. There wasn’t enough space, but she made it happen. Glad she was a solid 9 inches shorter than me. Every time CB even blinked in our direction she would jump up and down (sometimes on my toes) and scream at her friends, “OH MY GOD, HE LOOKED THIS WAY!!!!”
So the concert was pretty cool and watching him perform is pretty great, but really, I can’t handle teenagers like that. I’ll continue to enjoy the summer concert series from the treadmill, but I’m really glad I got to go at least once.
I have a new boyfriend. This post is all you will get about him on here. He might dispute some of these things:
-we’ve been “talking” since some time in November I would say
-we started dating/hanging out mid-late December
-we decided we wanted to really be together about 2 weeks ago
-I am so very happy
-he is NOTHING like OPH
-it’s been really fast, but it’s also been very good
That is all. I just wanted to make it known.
So my most serious, long term, very EX boyfriend is coming up to visit, but he is not coming up to visit me. He is coming to New York to visit his sort-of-a-fling, she’s-fun-to-have-around, I-don’t-think-I-really-like-her, and I-don’t-want-to-date-her-when-I-move-across-the-country-in-a-few-months girlfriend’s dad who lives across the river. Now, let me start off by saying we broke up. We broke up almost 5 years ago. He tried to get back with me and I wouldn’t have it. We broke up for reasons, many of them, that were solid and sound and legitimate. We will not date again and I think of him quite platonically at this point in my life. In fact, sometimes he annoys the crap out of me. I do not want to date him, and as far as I know, he no longer wants to date me. I would not hook up with him. I am a grown ass woman and I can be trusted to be in a crowded restaurant “alone” with my oh-so-ex-boyfriend.
So he called this last weekend to tell me he was coming here. I got all excited and we talked about when and where he would stay and what he wanted to do any why, etc. With that conversation came a, “well, here’s the thing.” So his new girl he doesn’t want to get serious about got him the plane ticket as his Christmas present…and he’s coming here to meet her Dad. He said he wasn’t sure she’s be ok with him seeing me. *gasp!* Are you kidding me?! We dated 5 years ago. Clearly it has ended and has remained ended. So the more we spoke the more he said he didn’t think she would “allow” him to see me. I’m astonished…allow?!? How can he allow this girl to keep him from seeing me. You come to where I live and don’t see me because a girl you’re not sure how you feel about is insecure and slightly jealous?!
If my current boyfriend had a problem with me meeting a long past ex-boyfriend for a drink or some food I’d tell him to get some confidence and walk out the door. Clearly we are broken up and the reasons were good enough to keep us apart for the last 5 years. All of the sudden that’s just supposed to change because we’re now in another city, so we can’t see each other? How super lame is that?!? Plus, consider this. Right now I live in New York. He lives in random Texas city. Not convenient for an affair. In March he will be moving to random as-far-away-as-you-can-imagine-in-the-continental-US city, definitely not conducive to an affair. I think this entire situation is ludicrous. There are a few things that need to be done here: 1) she needs to get secure in herself and in their relationship, 2) he needs to buck up and end it as he’s told me he plans to so that he doesn’t continue to mess with her feelings and screw up her psyche, or 3) he needs to decide to be fully in the relationship with her and rather than walking on egg-shells to keep her happy, he can provide her security in the relationship so that she is comfortable when he says, “I am going to go visit with my ex for a while.”
This coming to my city and not being allowed to see me bit is absolutely not ok with me.
This morning as I was making my way to the exit of the subway during my commute to work I noticed the couple walking right in front of me. I didn’t realize they were a couple as most don’t commute together until she moved her hand over to find his. When she brushed his palm he didn’t clasp his fingers closed. He didn’t move them until she let her thumb rest on his fingers for a minute; then he half heartedly tightened his fingers so that they were very loosely closed.
This observation made me feel bad for her. It made me remember my past. It made me think of the girl who would do anything for the guy she loves, and he will simply let her. And that’s all. To me her reach for his hand was a reach for unreturned affection and approval. It made me think of all the women, all the teenage girls who are reaching out to a man for love and affection and going to bed at night not feeling like they’re good enough because the men are simply happy with easy, rather than getting out of something they’re unhappy with. It made me think of let downs and disappointment and how that all feels. I will never be that girl again. I can’t be.
I’m having drama at work over something I put on here that people think I shouldn’t have. I didn’t release any proprietary information and I wasn’t bashing anyone. It was something that made me laugh and the only people who know it was us are people at the company I work at…so what’s wrong with it? Either way, I’ll never post anything from work on here again…so call it a learning experience and let that be that.
I have been thinking about OPH lately. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 2 months. No texts, no emails, no IMs, nothing. I wonder how he is. I wonder if he’s dating anyone. I wonder if he regrets the way things went. I wonder if he feels like he’s lost. I’m doing a lot of wondering.
I’ve been out with 2 guys since him. Neither went anywhere. Both seem like good guys. I hate that everyone here only wants to go on a few dates and be done. No one here is looking for a relationship. Yes, I’m here for my career, but I’d also like companionship. This city is all about going out and drinking and spending money. I want someone I can stay home with. There are people in relationships…it could happen. I just don’t want to be 30 when it does.
I wish I had time for a hobby. I don’t even have time to go to the gym 3 times a week. I wish I worked 8:30 to 6:30 or something, and didn’t have to go out after so I could go to the gym on a regular basis. The parties and things we go to with work are a lot of fun though. This next month is going to be particularly crazy with everything coming up for Q1. I’m really trying not to put in so much over time. Hah…I’m not going to be able to cut it down at much as I’d like. I wish I had the self control to get up at 6am and go before work. I have lost a couple pounds though…ish. Wish I could lose like 10 more. This weekend at home I went to the store with my friend and looking at my reflection in the window walking up to the store next to hers did not make me feel good.
I’m sure there are things I am forgetting about Halloween, but it was Sooooooo fun! I went as a man eater in red patent heels, black fish nets, a short black pleated skirt, a black tank top, red bra, fake blood dripping down my chin from one side of my mouth, and a bowl full of little green army men with a wooden spoon in it. It was a hit…and I’m sure people are still finding army men in their pockets!
I met a boy who was at this advertising party, but was only there because his roommate works in media. He, however, is in finance (this is when I judged him). We talked throughout the night. He was sweet. We danced and talked and flirted and I judged. He has my ex in his phone. Weird. I don’t do finance. Then we started talking about cooking. I told him I’ll make a better pot pie than he ever could. He said he was a soux chef for 8 years. I told him I’d still make a better pot pie than him…chili too. He’s Italian and I told him I’d never make lasagna for him. I don’t even use ricotta in my lasagna. Hah.
Before this boy showed up I was hanging with people from work and friends from other agencies just drinking and being ridiculous. It was so fun! At one point this guy from the company who was throwing the party stopped me to talk. He, like everyone else, started the conversation by asking what I was, then when I said it he, like everyone else, went…oooohhhhh… We talked akwardly for a minute until he finally was like, “I’m hitting on you right now.” I was pretty shocked and I’m sure I made a face. At that exact, perfect moment some girl walking by tripped over herself and spilled her drink all over my new shoes. I was a little angry that my feet were all wet, but I was more happy to have an out. I said, excuse me, I have to go get a napkin and did…but then I just didn’t go back.
By the end of the night there were little army men everywhere…we were throwing them at each other and chewing on them. The only complaint I have about the night was the “art” in the bar. It’s called Gallery Bar and every month they apparently change this art. This particular night it was of soldiers in Iraq this photographer had apparently gone to live with. There were captions under all the pictures he had written. First, let me just say…attack our administration all you want, but leave our soldiers alone! They’re brave enough to go do something you and I are obviously not and if you had a 12 year old willing to kill you on sight, you probably wouldn’t be the nicest person to everyone either. These pictures and captions did their best to make the soldiers look mean and evil and terrible. They live in a highly stressful, dangerous environment. Screw that guy and his camera. How are you really going to take pictures in that environment and then try to get all humanitarian? I can gaurantee you that the terrorists don’t have a humanitarian department telling them to think twice before they go blow up that car with the children in it. Ugh…the “art” made me angry…and it seemed like a lot of people at the party didn’t appreciate it.
Anyway, off politics, back to Halloween…about 1 I saw all the people I was there with walk outside to leave. I told the boy I was talking to that they’d all just walked out and I was going to go too. He said, yeah, lets go. Lets? Hmm…I said I was going to go. Anyway, I turned toward the door and he put his hand on the small of my back and followed me out. He’d mentioned a driver before, but it didn’t really register. I went to go left where everyone else had gone…but his driver jumped up and opened the door of an escalade sitting just to the right. He put his hand on my back and guided me. I could have disappeared that night and no one would have known. Instead he took me home, kissed me on the cheek and offered to walk me from the corner to my place.
It was a great night.